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115 Funny awkward quotes

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

3 months ago

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

3 months ago

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

3 months ago

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

3 months ago

And is the financial stability in the room with us right now?

3 months ago

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

3 months ago

It’s awkward touching hands with another man inside a popcorn bag, especially if you don’t know the man and he doesn’t know you’re eating his popcorn.

3 months ago

Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

3 months ago

I’m having a garage sale and hope people I’ve borrowed things from don’t come.

3 months ago

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

3 months ago

Ugh, he wants to go hiking as a first date, just like Hitler.

3 months ago

First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.

3 months ago

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

3 months ago

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

3 months ago

By my second “could we change the subject?” I could feel the job interview going south.

3 months ago

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

3 months ago

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

3 months ago

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

3 months ago

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

3 months ago

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

3 months ago