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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I have a man cold. Goodbye, world. Tell my story.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

“New recipe” is code for “less content, but worse ingredients”.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has shared:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

I’m writing a parenting book called ‘Kids won’t listen until you scream like your mother did’.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from reading your book.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,947

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Just landed via Reddit:

A sandwich has the power to change your entire life.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The voodoo magic of a tranquil night’s sleep

Shared recently on Threads:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Spotted on Reddit:

Parents be like “why aren’t you eating, don’t you like my food?” and after you eat a ton, they’ll say “you look a little chubby, maybe you should eat less.”

Seen just now on Slack:

No crypto for me, thanks, at least not until I figure out how dollars work.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

36 Funny card quotes

More funny card quotes 👇

Nothing good happens on the credit card after midnight.

0

2 months ago

after, bad, bad decisions, card, credit, credit card, decisions, good, humor, late, late night, midnight, money, night, nightlife, nothing, spending
The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

0

2 months ago

card, humor, i, joke, magic, magician, me, pick, told, trick, Visa
I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

0

2 months ago

card, cards, credit, credit card, finances, humor, i, joke, limit, spending, too
I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

0

2 months ago

account, attitude, bank, bank account, card, carefree, carefree attitude, check, even, financial, financial struggle, god’s will, gods, humor, i, just, money, spending, struggle, swipe, swipe card
I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

0

2 months ago

big, card, card game, cause, dollar, dollar signs, expression, eye, eye expression, eyes, gambling, game, good, good hand, hand, humor, i, player, poker, self-awareness, signs, turn
My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

0

2 months ago

card, frustration, gift, gift card, give, humor, left, limits, metaphor, much, patience, sure, try, uncertainty
Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

0

2 months ago

card, day, flowers, gift, humor, lady, me, romance, surprise, today, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day
It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

0

2 months ago

card, day, excitement, exciting, father’s, Father’s Day, humor, know, much, mystery, relationships, surprises, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day
My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

0

2 months ago

barbershop, came, card, declined, embarrassment, hair, head, humor, me, mouth, put, squeezed
Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

0

2 months ago

affection, anniversary, card, communication, date, humor, i, love, paperless, relationship, sorry

For even more funny card quotes, hit next 👇

All funny card quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on TikTok this month:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

20 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

63 shares on X this month:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

49 shares on Slack this month:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

35 shares on Threads this month:

Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

41 shares on Reddit this month:

Before sleeping, most people will imagine stuff they want to happen. Like sleeping.

57 shares on X this month:

I hope I find $10,000 on the floor later.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

We need a better word for horny that sounds elegant and gorgeous.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

So glad that the dream I had of you isn’t affecting me at all, and I’m able to go on with my day without thinking of it.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

Note to self: Very important! First hang up, then insult.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Explain it to me like I’m five then do it for me like I’m one hundred.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I’ve never been cut in half by a magician, but I have worn jeans on Thanksgiving. Same thing.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Making waves on WeChat:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

Trending via Twitch:

The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.

Just shared via Instagram:

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Making waves on Discord:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

Seen just now on X:

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

Trending via Twitch:

My retirement plan is recording a hit Christmas song. I just need to learn how to sing and write music.

Just landed via Threads:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Spotted on X:

I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

Activity Log ✨

36 Funny card quotes

More funny card quotes 👇

All funny card quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨