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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Happy return of “yes of course it’s bedtime, see how dark it is outside” to all parents who celebrate.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Save money by accidentally forgetting your wallet at home. Follow me for more financial tips and tricks.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Do married people watch Gen Z dating and feel like they caught the last chopper out of Nam?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I was brought up in the wild by hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce but we had some great laughs.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

774 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,936

Funny Quotes Topics

13,910

Funny Quotes Images

10,936

33 minutes ago

3,440

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Going viral on Instagram:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Reported on Snapchat:

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

Making waves on X:

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Couples who finish each other’s sentences have killed before and will kill again.

Trending via X:

Everyone’s a badass until the doorbell rings.

Making waves on Threads:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Live now on Twitch:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

Spotted on Snapchat:

In my opinion, those who go jogging on a Sunday morning certainly don’t have a comfortable sofa.

Just shared via Twitch:

I was having a great Friday until I found out it was Thursday.

Home » Funny Card Quotes » Page 3

27 Funny card quotes

More funny card quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Commentary:
When this player has a good hand, you can practically see the dollar signs glowing in their eyes! 💰😂 Bet you can always tell when they've got something good up their sleeve – just look for the shimmer of those big money signs! 👀💲#PokerFaceFail
6 months ago
Share →: My patience is like a gift card, not sure how much is left but lets give it a try.

Commentary:
"Approach with caution, my friend, my patience is like a mystery gift card – you never know when it's about to run out on you! 🕵️‍♂️💳 But hey, they do say curiosity is the spice of life, so let's give it a whirl and see if my patience surprises us both! 🎁😄"
6 months ago
Share →: Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Commentary:
🌷💐💌 "Ladies, if you find yourself in a floral mystery today, don't worry – it's just me spreading some anonymous flower power! Who needs a card when the blossoms speak for themselves? 😉"
6 months ago
Share →: It’s exciting to receive a Valentine’s Day card and not know who it’s from. A Father’s Day card, not so much.

Commentary:
"Receiving a mystery Valentine's Day card is like a romantic game of Clue 🕵️‍♀️: 'Was it Cupid in the garden with an arrow?' But a mystery Father's Day card just raises questions like 'Wait, who's my real dad?' 🤔🃏"
6 months ago
Share →: My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Commentary:
Oh no, that's some next-level beauty payment plan right there! 💳💇‍♂️ Maybe next time they could offer a hair-raising discount instead? Or a free hair styling session for the inconvenience? Just make sure to check your balance before hitting the salon – you don't want unexpected hair-raising experiences! 🤣 #BadHairDay #CreditCrunch
6 months ago
Share →: Sorry I didn’t get you an anniversary card, babe, but you opted in to paperless affection on our third date.

Commentary:
"Looks like the digital age has revolutionized romance! 💌💻 Who needs a card when you've got endless texts, emojis, and GIFs to express your affection, right? Happy paperless anniversary, lovebirds! 🥂💕"
6 months ago
Share →: The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

Commentary:
"Online shopping: where the struggle is real, but the sofa is comfy. 💳👜💻 #FirstWorldProblems"

For even more funny card quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny card quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

774 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,936

Funny Quotes Topics

13,910

Funny Quotes Images

10,936

33 minutes ago

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Found a picture of me sitting on Santa’s lap. Hard to believe it’s been a whole year.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Not to brag but I don’t even need meditation, my mind goes blank the second someone asks me for directions.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Breaking via Discord:

Insomniacs who are not afraid of the dark have nighty-night problems but the pitch ain’t one.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

Reported on Telegram:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Just walked by an empath and his head exploded.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

Just landed via Instagram:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, here’s Wonderwall.

Live now on Facebook:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

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