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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Duolingo should have an “I’m going on holiday to this place very soon” setting so it teaches you “can I have the bill” and so on instead of “the cow boils an egg”.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

My dog just tracked and successfully located a folium lanceolatum, more commonly known as a leaf.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

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10,929

Updated

5 minutes ago

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Making waves on TikTok:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Shared recently on Threads:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Making waves on Twitch:

My kid tells me his toothpaste is “too spicy” but he doesn’t seem to be having any trouble with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

Just shared via YouTube:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Reported on WhatsApp:

I took the road less traveled. Where am I?

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

Updated

5 minutes ago

Users Online

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Not sure why I drink anymore. I get the same effect from standing up too fast.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Idea: An app that tells you where that bruise came from.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

December, give me a sweet ending for this year please.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I made a graph showing my past relationships. It has an ex axis and a why axis.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Shared recently on Slack:

Digging my own grave, because I gotta do everything around here.

Spotted on YouTube:

They should invent a rom-com where no one has to overhear anything that leads to a huge unnecessary misunderstanding.

Live now on Snapchat:

Hate Google’s Gemini. If I wanted to get misinformation from a Gemini, I’d talk to my mother.

Going viral on Telegram:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Can I be 20 again? I know what to do this time.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Going viral on Discord:

Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’ve done the math and I regret to inform you I’m your soulmate.

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