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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

If you order a pizza with veggies on it, you can tell people you had a salad.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Someone asked me what my hobby was and I realized that my favorite hobby is doing absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,475

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Last night’s dream could have been an email.

Just shared via Facebook:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The fatigue is reaching levels that shouldn’t even be possible.

Trending via Slack:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Spotted on Discord:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Spotted on Discord:

They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

Just shared via Pinterest:

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

Spotted on Telegram:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

615 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

3 weeks ago

day, day off, days, humor, imagine, just, parent, parenting, responsibility, straight, thinking, work, working
Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

3 weeks ago

addiction, around, day, glass, humor, just, life, modern, modern life, phone, phones, screen, sit, smartphone, tapping, technology, wild
Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

3 weeks ago

another, daily, daily routine, day, God, gratitude, humor, routine, screen, screen time, technology, thank, thank you, time
It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

3 weeks ago

alive, call, code, codes, day, email, email verification, every, fabulous, frustration, hot, humor, life, love, modern, modern life, news, nightmare, person, phone, phone call, reading, real, robot, time, verification, verification code, yelling
They should invent a day where I feel normal.

3 weeks ago

day, feel, feeling, humor, i, invent, invention, normal, sarcasm, should, where
Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

3 weeks ago

better, casual, casual conversation, conversation, day, ever, fashion, humor, let, me, outfit, procrastination, relatable, same, save
Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

3 weeks ago

animal, conversation, cow, day, enjoying, every, humor, imagination, imagine, me, moo, nature, saying, Switzerland, view
Liking sports is great because you’ll have a bad day, then here your team comes to make it worse.

3 weeks ago

bad, bad day, day, disappointment, great, here, humor, liking, sports, team, worse
Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

3 weeks ago

advice, day, humor, management, mode, morning, panic, rush, start, start day, starting, stop, stress, time, time management
Any day now, there will be a child born and named Labubu.

3 weeks ago

birth, born, child, day, humor, name, prediction

For even more funny day quotes, hit next 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on X this month:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

18 shares on Slack this month:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

72 shares on Slack this month:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

28 shares on Slack this month:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

39 shares on X this month:

Never cry at the weekend. Cry at work, at least then you’ll get paid for it.

36 shares on Threads this month:

Shaking my head like an Etch a Sketch to get my thoughts right.

99 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

Dating is so overrated. Let’s just get married.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

You will see blonder children than you would ever think possible at expensive ice cream parlours.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

My favorite Christmas Eve tradition is the one where I tell my kids we have to get the house spotless, or Santa won’t come.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

In every imagination I have pictured myself in, I’m never poor.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Trending via Telegram:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Shared recently on X:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Making waves on Twitch:

Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

Trending via Messenger:

Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

Making waves on Threads:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Spotted on YouTube:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Trending via Instagram:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Spotted on TikTok:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

Trending via Threads:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Activity Log ✨

615 Funny day quotes

More funny day quotes 👇

All funny day quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨