80 Funny drinking quotes

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  5 months ago

  View →: How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.
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  5 months ago

  View →: When younger I would walk up to the counter and the bartender would know me by name. Now it’s my pharmacist.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I need to stop drinking so much. Did I say drinking? I meant thinking. I definitely need to drink more.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Spice up your work day by drinking your coffee from a flask.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.
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  5 months ago

  View →: For Thanksgiving don’t ask me about my life, just pass me the bottle.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m at the age where drinking a cup of coffee now makes me feel like Popeye scarfing down a can of spinach.
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  5 months ago

  View →: If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Me drinking green tea: this is going to fix everything.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Having a loose stool means two completely different things depending on if you are a nurse or a bartender.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

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