Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

157 Funny everyone quotes

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

3 months ago

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

3 months ago

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

3 months ago

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

3 months ago

A designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk.

3 months ago

“I thought it might be nice to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves, including a fun fact.” You thought wrong.

3 months ago

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

3 months ago

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

3 months ago

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

3 months ago

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

3 months ago

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

3 months ago

The romantic says that there is the right partner for everyone. The realist says: only one person has to choose the wrong one and then it won’t work out for everyone!

3 months ago

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

3 months ago

Everyone on the bus thinks that they are the main character, when in reality the main character is the bus.

3 months ago

The difference between the Olympic village and a normal village is that not everyone in the Olympic village is related to each other.

3 months ago

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

3 months ago

Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods.

3 months ago

Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?

3 months ago

Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.

3 months ago

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

3 months ago