212 Funny house quotes — Wordgag ツ

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

2 months ago2 months ago

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

2 months ago2 months ago

Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

2 months ago2 months ago

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

2 months ago2 months ago

Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

2 months ago2 months ago

Don’t come to my house unannounced; I will stare at you from my window.

2 months ago2 months ago

I do block people right away; you’re not going to stress me out on my own phone, with my own internet, and in my own house.

3 months ago3 months ago

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

3 months ago3 months ago

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

3 months ago3 months ago

I really hope my house is haunted and not in need of structural repairs.

3 months ago3 months ago

Seeing people exercising outside my house really motivated me to get up and close the blinds.

3 months ago3 months ago

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

3 months ago3 months ago

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

4 months ago4 months ago

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

4 months ago4 months ago

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

4 months ago4 months ago

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

4 months ago4 months ago

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

4 months ago4 months ago

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

4 months ago4 months ago

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

4 months ago4 months ago

If you wave your keys in front of a giant house, people will think you own it.

4 months ago