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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I hope one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is single.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Prime numbers are so cunty. Like okay, diva — only divisible by yourself?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,839

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Just shared via Twitch:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Just landed via YouTube:

Shazam-ing a song in public feels the same as taking out a big hammer and bonking yourself on the head.

Just landed via Instagram:

I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Just landed via YouTube:

Hey boy, are you my washing machine? Because neither of you know how long 10 minutes last.

Spotted on Reddit:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Home » Funny Joke Quotes » Page 148

1560 Funny joke quotes

More funny joke quotes 👇

They said, “Enjoy your money because life is short.” Now my money is finished, but I’m still alive.

0

4 months ago

alive, enjoy, financial, financial joke, finished, humor, joke, life, money, said, short, short life, spending, still, survival
Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

0

4 months ago

5, body, body image, fatter, future, here, humor, i, image, joke, myself, self, weight, where
Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

0

4 months ago

again, China, Chinese, Chinese food, culture, eating, food, girlfriend, got, humor, i, joke, relationship, repetition, sense, think, time, today, yesterday
Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

0

4 months ago

around, everyone, guide, humor, i, job, joke, just, knowing, knowledge, love, me, need, only, think, tour, tour guide, travel, walking
Doctor said I am terminally chill.

0

4 months ago

am, chill, doctor, humor, i, joke, medical, medical joke, relaxation, said, terminal
Onion rings? I’m answering.

0

4 months ago

answer, answering, food, humor, joke, onion, onion ring, ring, rings
Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

0

4 months ago

courtroom, culture, dance, defense, hammer, honor, humor, i, impression, joke, legal, misunderstanding, pop, pop culture, time, under
It’s funny how people without pizzas in their hands actually think I’ll answer my door.

0

4 months ago

actually, answer, delivery, door, food, Funny, hands, humor, joke, people, pizza, think, visitor
If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

0

4 months ago

anyone, different, different realm, escape, fantasy, humor, introvert, joke, me, needs, realm, social, social withdrawal, withdrawal
My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

0

4 months ago

dead, humor, joke, life, own, relationship, sex, sex life, tombstone

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Social Media Stars ⭐

18 shares on Threads this month:

Your fingers have fingertips, but your toes don’t have toetips. Yet, you can tiptoe but not tipfinger.

90 shares on Slack this month:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

39 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

100 shares on Twitch this month:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

92 shares on WeChat this month:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

Wolves should really raise more people.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

I mostly choose to stay silent in weird situations but my face has subtitles.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

87 shares on TikTok this month:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Petition to make weekends longer. Two days isn’t enough.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I prefer the Easter Bunny, for starters, he’s not making a list and checking it twice, and more importantly, he’s not watching me when I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, getting ready for work, getting some sleep for work, or thinking about not wanting to go to work.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

Breaking via Twitch:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

Just shared via Messenger:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Making waves on Discord:

The weather’s got more mood swings than a reality show reunion.

Freshly posted on Discord:

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

Spotted on WeChat:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

“You’re just mad my gut microbiome is way more diverse and complex than yours.”

Going viral on Telegram:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Breaking via Threads:

Am I the only person who hates spending the night at someone’s place? Like, we can hang out until 3 a.m., but I’m still going home.

Live now on YouTube:

Apple want $3,500 for their Vision Pro. No thanks. I can look like a dork for free.

Activity Log ✨

1560 Funny joke quotes

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All funny joke quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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