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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

I cannot definitively say, even after all I’ve seen, that I would not visit Jurassic Park.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

People who don’t admit their mistakes disgust me. I would absolutely admit to a mistake if I had ever made one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,953

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,953

4 minutes ago

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Just shared via Slack:

The human body requires so much maintenance. Who designed this thing?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Reported on Facebook:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Spotted on Discord:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Home » Funny Negotiation Quotes

Funny negotiation quotes

Funny negotiation quotes bring a smile to the art of deal-making 😄💼 Whether you’re haggling over prices or striking business deals, a bit of humor lightens the mood and sharpens your wit 🧠✨ Get ready to laugh and learn as these clever lines show that negotiation isn’t just serious—it’s seriously funny! 🎉🤝 #NegotiationGoals #LaughAndDeal

New funny negotiation quotes 👇

2 months ago
Share →: Toddlers negotiate like tiny mob bosses: it’s the hard way or the harder way.

Commentary:
"😂 When a toddler says 'make me an offer,' you better have cookies ready or be prepared for a kindergarten coup! 🍪👶💼"
5 months ago
Share →: Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Commentary:
🤣📺 When your husband's love for sports gets a little too aggressive, just whip out those tariff threats! Who knew trade negotiations could also be part of marital bliss? 💼🏈 #TradeWarsAtHome #SportsVsTariffs
6 months ago
Share →: An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Commentary:
🍔🔥 "Introducing the Tinder for foodies – where finding your perfect dining match is just a swipe away! 📲💑 Who needs words when you can let the food do the talking? Bon appétit, and swipe responsibly!" 🍣🍕
6 months ago
Share →: 75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Commentary:
Sounds like being a divorce lawyer is 75% playing "No" on repeat 🔄🚫. Who knew emails had a built-in reject button? 😂 #LawyerLife
6 months ago
Share →: A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Commentary:
"Brilliant idea! Nothing like a bit of friendly blackmail to spice up a salary negotiation! 💸😂 Just remember to wink and chuckle for extra impact! 😉 #NegotiationSkills"
6 months ago
Share →: Start every meeting with, “Let’s just agree to disagree.”

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'let's agree to disagree' – the diplomatic way of saying 'let's just nod and move on' 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️. A surefire strategy for avoiding those never-ending debates that make you question your life choices 🤣. Just remember, when in doubt, agree to disagree and grab some popcorn for the show! 🍿👏"

For even more funny negotiation quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny negotiation quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1791 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,953

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,953

4 minutes ago

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Let’s draft everyone who has their phone on military time first, since you’re all so eager.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I disagree with my politics.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Men will ruin your whole life then come back and like your story.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

We’ve all at least once caught our toes when putting on our knickers and jumped around the room like idiots.

Just landed via X:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Making waves on Messenger:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Going viral on Instagram:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Going viral on Instagram:

Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you’ve been talking for 5 minutes straight, it might be someone else’s turn.

Spotted on Telegram:

I accidentally said “large” instead of “venti” at Starbucks and now the cops are here.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

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