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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,958

Funny Quotes Topics

13,929

Funny Quotes Images

10,958

26 minutes ago

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

Live now on Telegram:

My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

Reported on X:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Live now on WeChat:

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

Just shared via WeChat:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Next time someone says “I’m a hugger” and tries to hug me I’m gonna say “I’m a biter” and see how it goes.

Going viral on Instagram:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Making waves on YouTube:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Home » Funny Please Quotes

32 Funny please quotes

Funny please quotes are the delightful gems 💎 that sprinkle humor and charm into our daily lives! From cheeky requests to witty pleas, these quotes have a knack for bringing smiles 😊 and laughter 😂 to any conversation. Whether you’re trying to sweet-talk your way into a favor or just want to brighten someone’s day, these light-hearted snippets are perfect for adding a playful twist to the ordinary. Get ready to giggle and grin with every playful plea! 🎉✨

New funny please quotes 👇

8 hours ago
Share →: If you keep your AC any higher than 75, please don’t invite me to your terrarium, you lizard.

Commentary:
Turning a home into a sauna one degree at a time! 🦎☀️
4 days ago
Share →: It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Commentary:
When the small talk supply chain runs dry by midweek 😂🙌 #SilenceIsGolden
1 week ago
Share →: Please stop adding touchscreens to cars. Most of these idiots can barely drive as it is.

Commentary:
"Next, they’ll add social media notifications to the road signs! 🙈🚗💥"
1 week ago
Share →: If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Commentary:
Remember, if they're still poking, they're probably OK! 😆👵📱
1 week ago
Share →: When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Commentary:
Heading to the haunted house for my final destination. Rent-free living with ghostly roommates? Count me in! 👻🏚️😂
2 weeks ago
Share →: I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

Commentary:
"I'm awake, send caffeine and good vibes… ☕😴 #PrivacyInPeril"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Whoever has my voodoo doll, please make it study.

Commentary:
"Dear voodoo doll holder, my grades are in your hands now! 😂📚✨"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Please twerk; I have just days left.

Commentary:
"When your last wish is to witness some legendary twerking! 😅💃🕺 #BucketListGoals"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Commentary:
"Your post might be the sandwich, but my reply is the gourmet filling! 🍔🧠✨"
2 weeks ago
Share →: Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Commentary:
"Shhh, I'm in stealth mode! 🤫👂😂"

For even more funny please quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny please quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

796 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,958

Funny Quotes Topics

13,929

Funny Quotes Images

10,958

26 minutes ago

3,442

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

I’ve added lunges to my workout routine. It’s a big step forward.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

I admire the audacity of beavers, they just move to a new area and say “screw the neighbors, imma put a lake here”.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

At this point, I’m sure I’ll meet an alien or zombies before I meet the love of my life!

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m staying up past midnight this New Year’s eve. Not to welcome the new year, but to make sure this one is over.

Making waves on Reddit:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Just shared via Telegram:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I probably think this song is about me.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

Seen just now on Twitch:

They should invent a political party that doesn’t suck.

Reported on Discord:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Trending via Facebook:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

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