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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

50 shades of single.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

When you realize a 9 to 5 is actually an 8 to 7, since you cannot teleport to work.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

When a lady compliments your facial hair, have the goddamn decency to compliment hers.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,266

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

I want a girlfriend so hot that people walking down the street know that I am funny.

Spotted on Threads:

When it gets past my bedtime, I get so scared.

Freshly posted on X:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Spotted on X:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Breaking via Instagram:

When someone says “I expected more of you”, I’m always like “well who’s fault is that?”

Just shared via Threads:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Making waves on Messenger:

Problems are like balls. Everyone thinks they have bigger ones than you.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Just landed via TikTok:

I need you to put the fun in refund!

Spotted on Twitch:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

19 Funny salary quotes

More funny salary quotes 👇

The Sims fulfills the millennial fantasy of being able to afford a house in a walkable neighborhood on the salary of a professional carrot peeler.

3 weeks ago

afford, being, carrot, carrot peeler, fantasy, house, humor, millennial, neighborhood, peeler, professional, salary, Sims, walkable, walkable neighborhood
Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

3 weeks ago

bean, bean and cheese, burrito, burrito menu, cheese, comparison, degree, food, food price, humor, irony, job, job posting, master’s degree, Masters, menu, posting, price, price comparison, salary
Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

3 weeks ago

application, billion, dollars, exaggeration, humor, interview, job, job application, money, negotiation, next, question, salary, stupid, ten
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.

3 weeks ago

boss, every, humor, joke, me, paycheck, presentation, salary, start, work, work humor, workplace
I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

3 weeks ago

hour, humor, i, job, money, need, nothing, reasonable, salary, wild
I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

3 weeks ago

every, finance, humor, i, income, job, me, money, month, need, paycheck, salary, shock, work
Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

3 weeks ago

application, ask, being, choose, employment, exploitation, humor, i, job, job application, job search, love, salary, search, work
Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

3 weeks ago

better, billionaire, defense, dude, humor, income, irony, making, money, nobody, salary, wealth, worker, year
Salary week, but salary weak.

3 weeks ago

humor, money, paycheck, pun, salary, week

For even more funny salary quotes, hit next 👇

All funny salary quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on WeChat this month:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Forgetting to put jewelry and perfume on is literally the worst feeling.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t blame the holidays, you were already overweight in August.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

If life has taught me one thing, it’s that I need more money.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

Starting to think business is standing on me.

23 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

41 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

12 shares on X this month:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Stop making eye contact with me, I can’t afford a wedding right now.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

What doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

All the best memories with my dad start with “Don’t tell your mom about this.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

If I were you, I would rather be me.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

I keep checking my phone like I mean something to somebody. Silly me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Everyone is getting idioter.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Making waves on Threads:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Need a book club for people who all just happened to read the same book but hated it and now need to vent.

Spotted on Twitch:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Making waves on Slack:

If I had known how much care balcony plants need, I could have stopped taking the pill.

Shared recently on Telegram:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Trending via Twitch:

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Activity Log ✨

19 Funny salary quotes

More funny salary quotes 👇

All funny salary quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨