Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them. Posted on15 minutes ago
Everyone talks about climate change, but no one has the courage to sacrifice a virgin to appease the gods. Posted on11 hours ago
We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started. Posted on13 hours ago
The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo. Posted on15 hours ago
Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi. Posted on20 hours ago
Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla. Posted on1 day ago
In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan. Posted on2 days ago
It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster. Posted on2 days ago
Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them! Posted on2 days ago
There should be a Mad Max movie that reveals the world outside Australia has actually remained pretty normal. Posted on2 days ago
Caveman: I just invented the wheel. Journalist: Here’s why the wheel is bad for humanity. Posted on2 days ago
We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them. Posted on2 days ago
I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet. Posted on3 days ago
If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth. Posted on3 days ago
If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials? Posted on4 days ago