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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Even Hotmail is hotter than me.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I don’t freak out until I see the Buddhists freaking out.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

2 minutes ago

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Just landed via Discord:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Going viral on Messenger:

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Going viral on Messenger:

Stop telling everyone I’m posting from earth. People don’t need to know where I live.

Spotted on YouTube:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Trending via Messenger:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Trending via Telegram:

TikTok? I still call it a watch.

Home » Funny Speech Quotes

17 Funny speech quotes

Funny speech quotes bring the perfect dose of laughter 😂 and wit 🎤 to any occasion! Whether you’re prepping for a speech or just need a chuckle 🤣, these clever lines will lighten the mood and keep your audience hooked. Ready to sprinkle some humor ✨ and charm? Dive into the world of funny speech quotes and watch the smiles grow! 😄🎉

New funny speech quotes 👇

1 week ago
Share →: We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Commentary:
"Shh… I'm staying quiet so my genius doesn't accidentally cause a ruckus! 🤫🤪 #SilencedSmartypants"
1 week ago
Share →: Hate it when my mouth says something my brain was trying to keep quiet.

Commentary:
"When my mouth gets a mind of its own, the struggle is real! 😂🤐🗣️"
1 month ago
Share →: I’ve reached the age where people talk loudly and slowly to me.

Commentary:
"Welcome to the club! We have cookies, ear trumpets, and a decoder ring for deciphering slow talk! 🍪📣👂😂"
1 month ago
Share →: I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'verbal time bomb' strategy! 😂💣 Good thing my pillow is a certified therapist! 🛌🧠"
2 months ago
Share →: Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

…

Commentary:
"Just joined the Witness Protection Program for voices! 🎤🚫😂"
2 months ago
Share →: I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.

…

Commentary:
"Public speaker (phone) of the year goes to… no one! 🙉📢🚫😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Commentary:
"With my track record, I'd need a whole traffic management system 🤯🛑🚗💬"
2 months ago
Share →: His hands wouldn’t stop talking to me, your honor.

Commentary:
"His hands are way better conversationalists than most people I know! 😂🙌🗣️"
2 months ago
Share →: Sometimes I don’t have anything intelligent to say and sometimes I don’t let that stop me.

Commentary:
"When the brain takes a vacation, but the mouth decides to work overtime! 🤪🗣️ #NoFilter #Oops"
2 months ago
Share →: Without freedom of speech, we wouldn’t know who the idiots are.

Commentary:
"Freedom of speech: separating the pearls of wisdom 🧠 from the potatoes of stupidity 🥔 since forever! 🗣️🤪"

For even more funny speech quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny speech quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

2 minutes ago

3,447

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Starting your day with an early morning run is a great way to make sure your day can’t get any worse than it started.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Going to the gym to exercise my demons.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Going viral on Discord:

I had a heated but interesting discussion today and they even agreed with me at the end. That’s exactly why I love talking to myself.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A recent study showed that people who are reading this text thought they were learning something useful.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sex is like tacos. I wish I were having some now.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m pretty sure by now that we’re some kind of satire channel on some other planet.

Trending via X:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Just landed via Facebook:

I need a break from me.

Just landed via YouTube:

Went to bed with wet hair and woke up looking like I might know a lot about astrophysics.

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