32 Funny therapist quotes — Wordgag ツ

You don’t need a therapist, you need an exorcist.

9 hours ago9 hours ago

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

Therapists are like, “You don’t owe anyone anything. Except me. You owe me 250 dollars for this session.”

2 weeks ago2 weeks ago

Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

2 months ago2 months ago

My therapist said I should face my fears. So I turned my phone back on.

2 months ago2 months ago

Garlic bread is my therapist now.

2 months ago2 months ago

Therapy is basically me saying, “I did a thing,” and my therapist saying, “Yay, good job!”

2 months ago2 months ago

A couple of birds are outside fighting. Wait. They’ve quieted down. There’s a third bird. I think he may be their therapist.

2 months ago2 months ago

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

2 months ago2 months ago

It’s a good thing when your therapist sits down with a bucket of popcorn, right?

2 months ago2 months ago

Be the reason your therapist reevaluates their entire career.

2 months ago2 months ago

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

3 months ago3 months ago

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

3 months ago3 months ago

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

3 months ago3 months ago

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

4 months ago4 months ago

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Feb 1, 2025Feb 1, 2025

Twitter is basically everyone’s therapist’s couch.

Feb 1, 2025Feb 1, 2025

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175.

Jan 28, 2025

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Jan 28, 2025

In other news, congrats to my therapist for securing a 4 year contract with me.

Jan 27, 2025