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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Babies sighing is so funny to me. My dear, the time to sigh has not come.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

It’s funny how drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 7 beers and 5 shots in two hours go down like a fat kid on a seesaw.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Who called it a deep freeze instead of ice-o-lation?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I shower in the dark and pretend I’m in a rainforest on an alien planet.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I love dogs with human names because you get to say things like Bob pooped on the rug again.

Breaking via Twitch:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Just shared via Pinterest:

(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

Just shared via X:

Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

Just landed via TikTok:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Trending via Discord:

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Just shared via Discord:

You don’t see people giving bunny ears in photos anymore.

Just landed via Telegram:

Plot twist: weed is addicted to me.

Making waves on Reddit:

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

24 Funny wars quotes

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Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Twitch this month:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

20 shares on Discord this month:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

23 shares on Reddit this month:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

24 shares on X this month:

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

73 shares on Telegram this month:

People who have apartment windows that face the street and put their Christmas trees in them, thank you for your service.

88 shares on TikTok this month:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

When I die and y’all go through my search history, you’ll be disappointed to find mostly just definitions for very common words that I wasn’t sure I was using correctly.

44 shares on WeChat this month:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I’m late. I was in the car waiting for my song to end.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,437

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Haircuts should be covered by insurance.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

My life started becoming a mess when I was put in charge of my own bedtime.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

We used to pass notes in class like spies. Folded like origami. Deep like Shakespeare.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

College is literally just you, your laptop, and your water bottle against the world.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Making waves on TikTok:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Spreading quickly via X:

I hate it when I do the math about where my money went, and it all adds up. No one robbed me; I didn’t lose it. It was really all me.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Spotted on TikTok:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Going viral on Instagram:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Just imagine if farting were as contagious as yawning.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

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