79 Funny watch quotes

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  3 months ago

  Share →: Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

  Commentary:
  "Women are the ultimate multitaskers – thriving in the art of watching Netflix with subtitles while secretly running the world behind the scenes 📺💁‍♀️ Who says we can't do both? 😉"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I be skipping everyone’s stories but watch mine like 20 times.

  Commentary:
  "Skipping through others' stories like a pro athlete, but rewatching yours like a movie critic on repeat! 🏃‍♂️🔁 #SelfLove"

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  3 months ago

  Share →: I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

  Commentary:
  Who needs a fancy watch to track their fitness level when a quick glance in the mirror after climbing a flight of stairs gives you all the confirmation you need!

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic tale of gravity and friendship – it's like being unfollowed by the laws of physics! Maybe next time gravity wants to break up, it should consider sending a tweet instead."

• 

  3 months ago

  Share →: Pool rules: You’re not allowed to do anything that begins with the words ‘Hey everyone watch this!’

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the infamous 'Hey everyone watch this!' clause – the universal signal for impending chaos and potential disaster at the pool. It's like a siren call for lifeguards to brace themselves and for spectators to prepare for some quality entertainment. Remember, folks, the only thing you should be showing off at the pool is your impeccable cannonball form!"

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

  Commentary:
  Oh, sure, because we all know the most profound life lessons are learned from an anvil falling on someone's head and a bird outsmarting a coyote! 🐦🎩 Looks like this dad is really onto something, teaching his kids the important values of high-speed chases and explosive pranks! 😂 #ParentingGoals

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Unfortunately, the movie you want to watch is unavailable on your 13 streaming services. You can rent it for $2.99 though.

  Commentary:
  Looks like trying to find that elusive movie on your 13 streaming services is the real plot twist of the night 🎬💸 Who needs a scavenger hunt when you can just pay $2.99 for a movie marathon entertainment? 🍿😂

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

  Commentary:
  "Rumor has it that those who haven't watched a single Kardashian show are actually unicorns in disguise 🦄✨. So, congrats on keeping that mythical status intact! Who needs reality TV when you've got the reality of NOT knowing who's dating who in Calabasas? 🤷‍♂️💅"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

  Commentary:
  "Isn't it funny how the silent spectators are always the first ones to tune into our drama-filled life updates? 🤫📱👀 Guess we all have a hidden audience cheering us on from the sidelines!"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

  Commentary:
  🤣📺 When your husband's love for sports gets a little too aggressive, just whip out those tariff threats! Who knew trade negotiations could also be part of marital bliss? 💼🏈 #TradeWarsAtHome #SportsVsTariffs

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