34 Funny whenever quotes

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  2 weeks ago

  View →: Born to be quiet and mysterious, forced to yap whenever I get the chance.
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  1 month ago

  View →: At the Pride and Prejudice showing booing whenever Prejudice comes on screen.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.
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  3 months ago

  View →: Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”
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  4 months ago

  View →: Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”
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  4 months ago

  View →: Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”
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  4 months ago

  View →: Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.
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  4 months ago

  View →: As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!
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  4 months ago

  View →: Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.
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  4 months ago

  View →: It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”
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  5 months ago

  View →: Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.
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  5 months ago

  View →: My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.
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  5 months ago

  View →: There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Normalize asking if this is an intervention whenever someone invites you over.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.
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  5 months ago

  View →: We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

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