Funny quotes whenever

32 Funny whenever quotes

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

1 month ago

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

2 months ago

Whenever I’m with real yappers, I realize I might actually be a listener.

2 months ago

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

3 months ago

Whenever someone asks me if my dog is adopted I respond with, “no, she’s biologically mine.”

3 months ago

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

3 months ago

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

3 months ago

Whenever you feel like the world is falling apart, take a deep breath and remember you’re right.

3 months ago

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

3 months ago

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

3 months ago

As an exorcist, whenever I hear of some new poor soul possessed by a demon, all I can think is Ka-Ching!

3 months ago

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

3 months ago

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

3 months ago

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

3 months ago

I want to have a penguin that just waddles up to me whenever I’m sad.

3 months ago

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

3 months ago

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

3 months ago

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

3 months ago

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

3 months ago

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

3 months ago