Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Just say ‘lol’ and move on.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Hey, can I get an ETA on that “this too shall pass”?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Pomegranates are worth the mess.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Anyone want to fall in love and split rent?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

Users Online

3,995

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

Trending via Messenger:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

Freshly posted on X:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

Just landed via Slack:

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Making waves on X:

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut up for a while?

Trending via Pinterest:

Coworkers are funny. You could see a guy every day for 5 years then he quits and you never see or even think about him again.

Making waves on Instagram:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

More funny quotes 👇

They were called “TV programs” because they were literally programming us, bro.

0

5 months ago

bro, control, humor, literally, media, mind, mind control, program, programming, satire, TV, TV program, us
Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

0

5 months ago

communication, culture, form, humor, information, internet, internet culture, meme, memes, most
Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

0

5 months ago

character, daily, day, goal, humor, identity, main, main character, media, never, social, social media, Twitter
Addicted to bad posture. Omggg, why is it so comfortable to give yourself scoliosis?

0

5 months ago

addicted, addiction, bad, bad posture, body, body health, comfort, comfortable, give, health, humor, posture, scoliosis, why, yourself
“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

0

5 months ago

attitude, bit, everything, humor, joke, little, me, sarcasm, unfortunately, wit
Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

0

5 months ago

beauty, beauty routine, bikini, bikini wax, coffee, cup, humor, morning, need, routine, schedule, thing, wax
If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

0

5 months ago

am, demise, escape, humor, i, plotting, quiet, sarcasm, threat, witty
Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

0

5 months ago

day, energetic, feeling, humor, i, maybe, morning, parallel, parallel universe, refreshed, somewhere, thinking, tiredness, universe, wake, wake up, wishful, wishful thinking
Late replies don’t bother me. As long as we’re not in love, or you don’t owe me money, take your time.

0

5 months ago

bother, communication, debt, humor, late, late reply, love, me, money, patience, relationship, reply, take, time
I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

0

5 months ago

cooking, food, humor, i, kitchen, needs, smoothie, spoon

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Reddit this month:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

57 shares on Slack this month:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m soirée for my mispronunciation of French words.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re doing cardio.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

It’s hard dating someone who has been single for a long time. Any slight inconvenience, and they’ll crawl back into their peaceful abode. No stress.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Spotted on Slack:

I am a man, a man with a cold, so I guess this is goodbye.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

Going viral on Threads:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

Broadcasted on Threads:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Isn’t it beautiful how ‘Bruh’ has stood the test of time all these years.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Just landed via Threads:

Reverse cowgirl because you made me mad, and I can’t even look at you right now.

Live now on Messenger:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Activity Log ✨

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨