Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

I’ve started taking a brisk walk straight after dinner and it’s saving me an absolute fortune on restaurant bills.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

What beautiful weather outside. I’m gonna close the curtains.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

Just spoke to my wife while the internet was down. She seems nice. She’s a nurse apparently.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Do you know how much effort goes into looking this regular?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,282

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

Going viral on Instagram:

They say “When you snooze, you lose”… I say “When you take a nappy, you are happy.”

Going viral on Telegram:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Seen just now on X:

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

Freshly posted on Threads:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Just shared via WeChat:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The invention of locks was a key turning point in history.

Spotted on Reddit:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😴🛌 Bed loyalty is my priority! Can't risk a lumpy relationship 😆🌟

bed, excuse, i, laziness, let, me, needs, night, sleep, sorry, staying, staying in, told, tonight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

0

2 months ago

advice, home, homes, humor, leave, Monday, morning, need, outside, people, today, warning
Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

0

2 months ago

accidentally, closed, closure, humor, just, meaning, past, procrastination, read, tab, time
Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

0

2 months ago

being, child, childhood, commercials, complaints, course, give, humor, money, satire, terrible, time, watch, whole
Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

0

2 months ago

accomplish, apps, communication, contact, dating, frustration, hours, humor, i, ID, nothing, relationship, someone, support, talk, tech, thanks, wanted
My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

0

2 months ago

boss, early, finish, humor, i, initiative, joke, me, productivity, show, told, work, workplace
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

0

2 months ago

analogy, belief, car, Christian, church, garage, going, humor, identity

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Telegram this month:

Always tell people different stories about yourself, so when they talk about you, they’ll argue.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

Just realized when I get a partner, that means my family is gonna know that I have feelings.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

As someone who was born in August, I find the word leotard extremely offensive.

39 shares on Pinterest this month:

Getting older is sexy. You moan more.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

51 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

92 shares on Threads this month:

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just paid my rent, now I have a warm place to starve in.

10 shares on Reddit this month:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

My AI-generated girlfriend is hotter than your real girlfriend.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

We often come across people in life who make us think: “Oh look, evolution takes a break too!”

Just shared via Telegram:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Spotted on X:

If you want to know who the bad guys are, it is the side who wants you arrested for memes and jokes.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Lady just asked me what “mansplaining” is. I think it’s a trap. We’ve been staring at each other in silence for half an hour.

Seen just now on Discord:

Spotify has got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Of course, being a child is terrible. They don’t give you any money, and then make you watch commercials the whole time.

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a car.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨