Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Drunk me promising you anything is the equivalent of a politician giving their manifesto … it’s not gonna happen.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

Every millennial is now paying Apple $9.99/month for 2TB just to not delete their life.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Sometimes I just say “no idea” because I’m too lazy to think.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,388

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

My tapeworm is starting a podcast about the McRib.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’m so introverted, I only listen to house music.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

Spotted on Slack:

Don’t forget to have an orgasm today. Partner is optional. Pleasure is not.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Shared recently on Slack:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Future generations will never have to live in unprecedented times, because we’re precedenting the Hell out of everything right now.

Broadcasted on Slack:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Just landed via Instagram:

They should invent a way to delete other people’s posts.

Trending via Twitch:

Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
😴🛌 Bed loyalty is my priority! Can't risk a lumpy relationship 😆🌟

bed, excuse, i, laziness, let, me, needs, night, sleep, sorry, staying, staying in, told, tonight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

0

2 months ago

alone, box, break, break room, donut, donuts, food, humor, i, indulgence, person, room, temptation, workplace
Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

0

4 weeks ago

across, book, brain, character, character name, characters, coming, confusion, every, humor, just, know, name, pronounce, pronunciation, reading, rest, time
Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

0

2 months ago

actually, customer, customer service, customers, facade, fake, fake laugh, humor, job, job skill, laugh, laughing, professional, professional facade, service, skill, social, social skill, workplace, workplace humor
Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

0

2 months ago

burn, decide, decision, decision making, dinner, food, humor, i, making, meal, meal planning, order, pizza, planning, procrastination, trying
Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

0

5 months ago

chic, classy, crash, crying, diva, driver, drivers, driving, keep, lane, little, next, over, something, while
No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

0

2 months ago

am, employment, humor, i, job, LinkedIn, open, required, sarcasm, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

Relationship so bad you start relating to Taylor Swift songs.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Anything is an appetizer if you eat more food after.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

48 shares on Threads this month:

Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

44 shares on Reddit this month:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

You’re acting up? Right before Santa Claus comes to town? Unbelievable.

55 shares on Slack this month:

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

I love to sleep, I wish I could get paid to sleep.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

Since I started following the wisdom of ancient Chinese philosopher Fuk Yu, my life has been so much better…

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

My showers take so long because I always hold a shower concert.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

I don’t run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.

Seen just now on Threads:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Breaking via Telegram:

You’re over 35. Better go pee before you leave, pee when you get there, pee while you’re there, and pee before you leave.

Making waves on Snapchat:

The best weight you’ll ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

The secret to being able to buy whatever you want is not wanting much.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Please hesitate to get in touch with me.

Going bananas on Threads:

I love when my cat sighs at me, like what’s got you stressed out my little freeloading homicidal maniac!?

Live now on Snapchat:

I’m always happy when I come home from shopping and the note on the table reminds me of what I wanted to buy.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Straighten your back and drink some water, you dehydrated banana.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Reading a book and coming across a character’s name that you don’t know how to pronounce, so for the rest of the book, every time you see it, your brain just goes ‘skdjfkskakfk.’

Fake laughing with customers is actually a job skill.

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

Something very chic about crying while driving… have to keep it a little classy so you don’t crash… other drivers unaware a diva is down in the next lane over…

No LinkedIn, I am not “open to work,” I am required to work.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨