The new American dream is an alien invasion.

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Commentary:
Well, in a world full of student loans and avocado toast, why not shake things up with a little extraterrestrial excitement? 👽🌌 Who needs picket fences and white picket fences when you can have laser beams and intergalactic adventures? Beam me up to that American dream any day! 🚀🇺🇸 #ItCameFromOuterSpace

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like you're really embracing that modern tribal vibe! 💨🚬 Let's just hope your spirit animal isn't a chain-smoking chimney! 😉 #NewAgeNative #SmokeSignalsAndTexts

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Commentary:
"Looks like your couch is living the dream of every couch potato out there! 🥔💤 Who needs American Idol when you've got American Idle right in your living room? 😄🛋️"

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn't wobble.

American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.

Commentary:
American Feng Shui: when the key to achieving perfect balance and harmony is making sure that barbecue grill is as steady as the American dream 💁‍♂️🍔🌭 #GrillGoals

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old metric of educational success: nuggets per order! 🍗🎓 Perhaps we should start grading schools based on their crispy chicken output. Who needs standardized testing when you've got a box of nuggets to gauge academic excellence? 😂 #NuggetWisdom"

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.

Commentary:
🇫🇷 Ah, the universal gossiping language: French! These women clearly underestimated the multilingual powers of our not-so-dumb American friend here. 😏 Who knew being underestimated could be so entertaining? C'est la vie! 💁‍♀️

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn't a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Commentary:
"Technically, it's not a holiday… but in the land of the free and the home of the brave, we have a right to take the fifth (of July)! 🇺🇸🎆 #IndependenceDayExtened #FreedomFriday"

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Commentary:
"Imagine the uproar if Mount Rushmore had burger-loving presidents instead! 🍔🇺🇸 It'd be the most American monument ever! Just picture it – Lincoln with a hotdog, Washington with a slice of apple pie, Jefferson with a mountain of fries, and Teddy Roosevelt chomping on a giant sandwich. Now that's a sight to behold! 😄 #FoodiePresidents"