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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from has viewed:

If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

Someone from has viewed:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Someone from has viewed:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Someone from has copied:

If someone leaves your life, it’s often because the actor playing them is getting cancelled in the real world.

Someone from has shared:

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

Someone from has shared:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Someone from has downloaded:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Someone from has downloaded:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

Someone from has shared:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Someone from has bookmarked:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2249 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,411

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

Shared recently on Messenger:

What kind of psychopath wants to be the life of the party?

Going viral on Twitch:

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, then you love a boomerang.

Trending via Twitch:

Don’t give up, keep going. There are still so many disappointments waiting for you.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Just shared via Snapchat:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Reported on Messenger:

Love how you can hear the crowd constantly forgetting the queen died and singing “God save the Quing”

Going viral on WhatsApp:

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

Spotted on Slack:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier woman.

Home » Funny American Quotes

15 Funny American quotes

Funny American quotes bring a splash of humor and wit to everyday life, perfect for brightening your day 🌟 or sparking a smile 😄. Whether you’re a fan of clever wordplay or just love a good laugh 😂, these gems capture the quirky spirit of the USA in the most entertaining way 🎉. Get ready to chuckle, share, and enjoy some all-American fun! 🥳✨

New funny American quotes 👇

3 days ago
Share →: At some point in life, you graduate from Family Guy to American Dad.

Commentary:
Level up complete: now unlocking Dad Mode! 🤣🎓👨‍👧‍👦
6 days ago
Share →: God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Commentary:
When life hands you a map, just hope it's not labeled 'battlefield'. 🗺️😂
3 weeks ago
Share →: Americans be like, “MM:DD:YY” is how you say dates verbally, and then have a national holiday called “4th of July.”

Commentary:
Only in America do we celebrate Independence Day in Reverse Date Mode 🤔🎆
3 weeks ago
Share →: American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Commentary:
"Because who needs a foyer when you can trip over shoes and pets as soon as you enter? 🚪🐶👟 #WelcomeChaos"
3 weeks ago
Share →: Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Commentary:
"Going from fillings to felonies! 🦷➡️🚔 Who knew the drill could lead to thrill! 😆🤦‍♂️ #MomKnowsBest"
2 months ago
Share →: In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Commentary:
"When life gives you ribs, make Eve-lution happen! 🍖😂"
2 months ago
Share →: “American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Commentary:
"Waiting for the plot twist where the American Pope is also a crime-fighting detective! 😂📺✝️"
6 months ago
Share →: The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Commentary:
Well, in a world full of student loans and avocado toast, why not shake things up with a little extraterrestrial excitement? 👽🌌 Who needs picket fences and white picket fences when you can have laser beams and intergalactic adventures? Beam me up to that American dream any day! 🚀 #ItCameFromOuterSpace
6 months ago
Share →: My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Commentary:
Well, it seems like you're really embracing that modern tribal vibe! 💨🚬 Let's just hope your spirit animal isn't a chain-smoking chimney! 😉 #NewAgeNative #SmokeSignalsAndTexts
6 months ago
Share →: I’ve named my couch American Idle.

Commentary:
"Looks like your couch is living the dream of every couch potato out there! 🥔💤 Who needs American Idol when you've got American Idle right in your living room? 😄🛋️"