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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Mondays are for pretending. Real work begins on Tuesday.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

Picking up the hem of my baggy pants to walk up the stairs like it’s a ballgown.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Congratulations to the people who never took their Christmas decorations down. You’re almost there.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I drive like I’m immortal.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

LinkedIn: where you desperately hope that one idiot you had a drink with six years ago can somehow help get you a job.

Spotted on Instagram:

I am half agony, half hope.

Live now on Messenger:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Going viral on Reddit:

The man who invented the Ferris wheel never met the man who invented the merry-go-round. They traveled in different circles.

Making waves on Slack:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Spotted on Messenger:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Just landed via Telegram:

“I saw your ex!” A very unnecessary piece of information.

Shared recently on YouTube:

It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

Live now on YouTube:

Just drank a big glass of water, and I regret to inform you, they might be right about hydration.

36 Funny apocalypse quotes

Funny apocalypse quotes offer a humorous take on the end of the world as we know it! 🌍😂 From survival jokes to light-hearted takes on doomsday scenarios, these quotes show that even in the face of chaos, there’s always room for a laugh. 😅🔥

New funny apocalypse quotes 👇

Being anti-AI right now feels like being one of the few unbitten humans in a zombie apocalypse.

0

3 weeks ago

AI, anti-AI, apocalypse, being, comparison, feels, human, humans, humor, right, zombie, zombie apocalypse
Can you imagine if AI ever evolves into trying to kill us, and the thing that saves us is one of Cloudflare’s outages?

0

4 weeks ago

AI, AI evolution, apocalypse, Cloudflare, ever, evolution, fail, humor, imagine, internet, internet outage, joke, kill, outage, survival, tech, tech fail, technology, thing, trying, us
Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

0

4 weeks ago

alien, aliens, apocalypse, better, future, humor, ladybug, mutant, mutant ladybug, over, robot, robots, sci-fi, takeover
I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

0

2 months ago

age, apocalypse, change, climate, climate change, disaster, enough, environmental, environmental joke, exaggeration, hole, humor, joke, killed, layer, memory, old, old age, ozone, ozone layer, remember, survival, us
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, fear, humor, undead, walking, zombie
Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, bunker, dating, DM, DMs, humor, man, property, quarantine, shelter, survival
If I say I love you, it’s just the apocalypse talking.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, emotion, expression, humor, i, just, love, relationship, sarcasm, say, talking
I don’t think we’ll ever see aliens. I bet that they’re just gathering information and waiting for us to destroy ourselves.

0

2 months ago

alien, aliens, apocalypse, bet, destroy, ever, extraterrestrial, gathering, humor, i, information, information gathering, just, self-destruction, speculation, think, us, waiting, well
Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

0

2 months ago

alien, alien invasion, apocalypse, before, climate, crisis, die, disaster, end, end of world, extraterrestrial, global, global climate crisis, humor, invasion, irony, little, nuclear, nuclear war, sci-fi, survival, treat, war, world
Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

0

2 months ago

apocalypse, comedy, crisis, fashion, humor, i, joke, sarcasm, satire, should, war, wear, wonder, world

For even more funny apocalypse quotes, hit next 👇

All funny apocalypse quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

83 shares on Pinterest this month:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Not sure if “life hack” exactly, but I fell down the stairs and now my whole family is being so nice and catering to my needs.

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

50 shares on Slack this month:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You have been a very bad boy. Now go to my room!

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

43 shares on Threads this month:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Julia Garner most confusing name because it calls to mind both Julia Roberts and Jennifer Garner, but she is neither.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were to “picture everybody in the room naked,” I would be stunned and in awe of the beauty and diversity of the human form before me. But thanks for the advice.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

And for my next trick, I will appear to know what I’m doing.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Had a fight with an erection this morning. Beat it single-handed.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,633

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

If you can reach enlightenment, can you also reach endarkenment?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Does everyone in the world want to come to my house tomorrow?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Just got some minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

Seen just now on X:

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

Going viral on WeChat:

Horoscope: Many good things are in store for you! Unfortunately, the store is closed for repairs.

Going viral on Threads:

Born to be a hater, forced to understand your perspective.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

Trending via Twitch:

I’ve just told my doctor I have all the Monkey Pox symptoms. He asked me to swing by tomorrow.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

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