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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1,000 pictures you have of them sleeping.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has viewed:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

The people who “don’t have time” and the people who “always find time” have the same amount of time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,249

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Broadcasted on X:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

When someone dies people say “he’s going to meet his Maker”. No he’s not. God doesn’t mingle with the staff.

Trending via YouTube:

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

Just landed via Messenger:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Just landed via Twitch:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

Trending via Twitch:

Autumn is when men run around like it’s summer and women like it’s winter.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My talents include sneaking out of work early on a Friday.

21 Funny broken quotes

More funny broken quotes 👇

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

2 months ago

bed, broke, broken, chaos, family, humor, i, kids, mirror, motherhood, parenting, sleep, water
I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

2 months ago

bad, bad news, broken, broken machine, cream, denial, denied, ever, humor, i, ice, ice cream, job, machine, McDonald’s, news, people, told, ugly, used, work
I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

2 months ago

broken, commandments, failure, humor, irony, Resolutions, self-reflection
Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

2 months ago

absurdity, broken, cooking, day, even, food, fry, humor, irony, rice, shrimp, twice
They should have made a pool raft that looked like a broken door when Titanic was in theaters. I bet it would have sold millions.

2 months ago

broken, broken door, concept, culture, door, funny concept, humor, i, idea, marketing, marketing idea, merchandise, movie, movie merchandise, pool, pool raft, pop, pop culture, raft, should, sold, Titanic
I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

2 months ago

broken, humor, laws, moving, moving on, nature, new, new year, Resolutions, self-improvement, year
Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

3 months ago

again, broken, funny observation, humor, i, nature, observation, rain, sky, thing, thought, weather, weird, well, yellow, yellow thing
Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

3 months ago

apology, broken, delays, hand, having, humor, machine, smashing, suitcase
The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

3 months ago

broken, child, family, gaming, here, humor, i, live, noticed, observation, parenting, Playstation, too
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.

3 months ago

broken, escape, escape key, frustration, humor, i, keep, key, keyboard, office, still, work

For even more funny broken quotes, hit next 👇

All funny broken quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on YouTube this month:

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

47 shares on Discord this month:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

58 shares on Threads this month:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

94 shares on TikTok this month:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

79 shares on X this month:

When I die, throw me on Mount Everest so it looks like I was trying to do something.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your birthday as an adult mainly consists of texting back ‘Thanks!’ to people you haven’t talked to in 5 years.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

Restaurant toilets are dangerous! So many of my dates have gone to use them and vanished.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

36 shares on WeChat this month:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

Mercury is no longer in retrograde, so never trust a cow because the sun can’t swim.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

I am awake and ready to be disappointed.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

My life is based on a true story.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

Going viral on Twitch:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Just landed via Telegram:

This chapter of my life is called ‘at least the rent is paid’

Seen just now on Facebook:

“Have AI summarize this email for you!” No thanks, I can read what the person actually said in the way they intended.

Just shared via Discord:

The urge to pee in the morning is so aggressive. Bro, like, chill we’re getting there. Don’t threaten to come out.

Just shared via Threads:

Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The absolute hottest thing you can do in front of a woman is tame a horse, but unfortunately, modern life affords us little opportunities for that.

Spotted on Messenger:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Activity Log ✨

21 Funny broken quotes

More funny broken quotes 👇

All funny broken quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨