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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Work for a living? In this economy?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I’m afraid to go to therapy — what if they fix me and I lose my funny?

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m never more unattractive than when a bee flies in my face.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,598

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

Going viral on Snapchat:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

My dad’s handwriting makes a pharmacist look like a calligrapher.

Making waves on WeChat:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Just shared via Threads:

I have a sundress and no man to bend me over in it, sad day.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Just landed via WeChat:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?

Making waves on Pinterest:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Just landed via Slack:

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

Home » Funny Child Quotes » Page 10

98 Funny child quotes

More funny child quotes 👇

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

0

5 months ago

away, boyfriend, chase, child, dating, flirting, humor, i, men, rejection, relationship, started, telling
A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

0

5 months ago

behavior, chaos, child, child behavior, daily, daily life, day, humor, life, minute, most, people, productivity, toddler, unsupervised, unsupervised minute
Toddlers: the brutally honest roommates nobody asked for!

0

5 months ago

asked, child, honesty, humor, nobody, parenting, roommate, toddler, toddlers
Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

0

5 months ago

behavior, child, child behavior, cold-blooded, feel, honesty, humor, just, nobody, observation, saying, toddler
I often got called “an old soul” and such like by adults when I was a child. I think this was a kind way of saying I was a sad little freak.

0

5 months ago

adult, adults, child, freak, got, humor, i, kind, kindness, little, old, old soul, sad, sadness, saying, self-deprecation, soul, think
I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

0

5 months ago

child, crypto, explaining, explanation, friend, humor, i, imaginary, imaginary friend, misunderstanding, nine-year-old, said, sell, selling, someone, sounds, tried, trying
Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

0

5 months ago

baby, baby on board, behind, board, car, car sticker, child, dealing, driver, drivers, humor, know, parenting, putting, right, road, road safety, safety, sticker, traffic, vehicle, wheel
Celebrities should not be allowed to name children.

0

5 months ago

allowed, celebrity, child, child name, children, culture, humor, name, naming, parenting, pop, pop culture, should

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All funny child quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on TikTok this month:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

80 shares on Threads this month:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

53 shares on WeChat this month:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

38 shares on Discord this month:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Flip me over like a cassette tape, and play me again.

78 shares on Slack this month:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

A man outside Boots told me that Jesus died for my sins. Thanks for spoiling the end of the Bible. I was only up to the bit with the fish.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re searching “Thanksgiving recipes that won’t cause heartburn.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Typos is the Greek god of spelling errors.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I’m never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

I could have been the favorite mistress of the Sun King at Versailles, but nooooooooo I had to be born into late stage capitalism.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m actually really peace-loving, but then there are other people.

Spotted on X:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

Making waves on Instagram:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

Trending via WeChat:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Going bananas on X:

I don’t care what other people think of me, at least mosquitoes find me attractive.

Going viral on Reddit:

Whoever salts the fries at McDonald’s needs to come do the roads.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Activity Log ✨

98 Funny child quotes

More funny child quotes 👇

All funny child quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨