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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I’ve decided to cut my carbs… into smaller pieces before eating them.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Brains are awesome. I wish I had one.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in a while. Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Mar 1, 2026

3,308

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

All this suffering on earth because someone ate an apple once.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Shared recently on Slack:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

Making waves on Discord:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Live now on Facebook:

Telling your child their sibling is still asleep a very effective way to get them to practice their instrument.

Breaking via Twitch:

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

They should release the Epstein list right before the Oscars.

Just landed via Slack:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

225 Funny date quotes

Funny date quotes capture all the awkward, hilarious, and unexpected moments that happen when you’re out with someone special! 😅💘 Whether it’s a dinner disaster, a funny mix-up, or an overly ambitious attempt at romance, these quotes remind us that dating is never quite as smooth as it seems in the movies. Love might be serious, but the laughs are real! 😂🍷🌹

New funny date quotes 👇

Women love asking you questions about the movie you both are watching.

4 weeks ago

asking, both, date, humor, love, movie, question, questions, relationship, watching, woman, women
I just found out I have to go on dates to get a boyfriend. I’m sick to my stomach.

4 weeks ago

anxiety, boyfriend, date, dating, dating anxiety, expectation, found, humor, i, just, life, love, relationship, sick, single, single life, social, social expectation, stomach
I celebrate 4/20 on 1/5 because I know how to reduce fractions.

4 weeks ago

15, 420, celebrate, celebration, date, fraction, humor, i, joke, know, math
My favorite date activity is ice skating because I’m really good at it, and it allows me to assert dominance on the ice.

4 weeks ago

activity, date, dominance, favorite, good, humor, ice, ice skating, me, skating
If Microsoft Edge is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you can be brave enough to ask that girl out.

4 weeks ago

ask, ask out, brave, browser, courage, date, default, default browser, edge, enough, girl, humor, microsoft, Microsoft Edge, motivation
January 1st always feels like a Sunday, regardless of what day it’s actually on.

4 weeks ago

1st, actually, always, calendar, date, day, day feeling, feeling, feels, funny observation, humor, January, January 1st, new, new year, observation, perception, Sunday, time, time perception, year
That gap between Christmas and New Year’s when you can’t tell what day of the week it is.

4 weeks ago

awareness, Christmas, confusion, date, date confusion, day, day awareness, gap, holiday, new, new year, tell, time, time gap, week, year
Do men know they don’t have to date if they’re not over their ex?

4 weeks ago

advice, breakup, date, dating, dating advice, ex, humor, know, love, man, men, over, relationship, single
Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

4 weeks ago

date, different, funny date, Hooters, humor, joke, night, night off, restaurant, taking, waitress
Women will brag about their intuition, and then date a DJ.

4 weeks ago

brag, date, dj, humor, intuition, irony, relationship, woman, women

For even more funny date quotes, hit next 👇

All funny date quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Discord this month:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

65 shares on Discord this month:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

52 shares on Slack this month:

Spent the day decorating the house for Christmas and my wife spent the day re-decorating the house for Christmas.

62 shares on Pinterest this month:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

65 shares on Discord this month:

Aging isn’t even 1% as scary as whatever is going on with the people trying not to.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy, I can’t even close my suitcase.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My New Year’s resolution is to be less presumptuous and rude to others. I’ll bet yours is to lose weight, isn’t it?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

In Hell, “Cotton Eye Joe” plays on an eternal loop. The heat and fire are actually pleasant compared to that.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Everytime I spend $20 I think this is fine because I won’t do it again. And then would you believe.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to be real with you. My dinners lately are just sort of me throwing things into a pot like a witch in a cartoon.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Metallica’s “Nothing Else Matters” is my favorite song about that 5 minutes of sleep before the alarm goes off.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,760

Funny Quotes Topics

17,769

Funny Quotes Images

15,760

Updated

Mar 1, 2026

Users Online

3,546

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

We should thank heaven for nipples. Without them boobs would be pointless.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Discord is only good for calling friends on the computer. Please do not waste your time getting caught up in random servers.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I love when the plot thickens.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Never eat more than you can lift.

Trending via Instagram:

I believe libraries are our proof that we once valued curiosity.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My bank account is also in retrograde.

Trending via TikTok:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Shared recently on Instagram:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Spotted on Telegram:

What’s a beginner hobby for someone just getting into being happy?

Going viral on Twitch:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Breaking via Discord:

I wrote a book. It’s a murder mystery. You’re in it but only for the first couple of chapters.

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