57 Funny excuse quotes

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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.
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  4 months ago

  View →: ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry I was late, I was frantically applying to other jobs.
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  4 months ago

  View →: Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.
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  4 months ago

  View →: I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”
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  5 months ago

  View →: In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.
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  5 months ago

  View →: When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The answer is always no, I did not get enough sleep.
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  5 months ago

  View →: ‘I have a ripe avocado at home’ is my favorite excuse for cancelling plans.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.
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  5 months ago

  View →: There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sorry I can’t come today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and it was tragic.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sorry I can’t help you move, my hands are in permanent air quotes.
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  5 months ago

  View →: You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

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