Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Commentary:
"Who needs swiping left or right when you can just aimlessly wander the aisles of a grocery store in search of romance? 🛒🤔 Who knows, you might just find your soulmate lost in the frozen foods section! ❄️😆 #LoveInTheProduceAisle"

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife's list so I guess I'll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

At the grocery store, but forgot my wife’s list so I guess I’ll just follow this other guy around and get what he gets.

Commentary:
Looks like an impromptu grocery shopping adventure with a side of unexpected bonding 🛒😄 Who knew forgetting your wife's list could lead to a new shopping buddy! #ShoppingGoals

I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

I don’t know how to explain it, but sometimes cheese just falls into my cart at the grocery store.

Commentary:
"Cheese: the master of stealth in the grocery store aisles, always finding a whey into your cart 🧀🛒 Just blame it on the dairy fairy, right? 😉"

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Commentary:
"Ah, the sheer bliss of sipping on coffee while someone else tackles the endless aisles of decision-making 🛒☕️ Who knew laziness could taste so delicious? #GroceryGoals"

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, "careful, it's heavy."

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Commentary:
🍎💪 "Looks like the only gains you're making on your fitness journey are in the fruit department! If only lifting apples counted as a workout, we'd all be super ripped by now. Keep strong, apple connoisseur! 🏋️‍♂️😄"

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

If the line at the grocery store takes longer than 10 minutes, the candy beside the checkout should be free.

Commentary:
"Absolutely! Waiting in line for more than 10 minutes should come with a golden ticket 🎫 to Candyland! 🍭 Who knew grocery shopping would turn into a sweet adventure? 😄"

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don't even know where the little gummy bears live.

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Commentary:
"Oh no, imagine embarking on a wild gummy bear hunt! 🍬🐻 Who knew grocery store aisles were their natural habitat? Better sharpen those skills with a candy safari guide! 🤣 #WildGummyBearChase"

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Commentary:
"Trying to survive the grocery store before Christmas is like going on a wild expedition through the jungle. 🛒🎄 Don't worry, your milk may have expired, but at least you've gained some battle scars in the form of long checkout lines! 💥😂"

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic grocery store potty tax scheme! It's like a sneak attack on your wallet from the humble loaf of bread to the royal throne. 🍞💸💩 Keep those eyes peeled for the real MVPs of the grocery game – toilet paper and bank accounts!"

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Got thrown out of the grocery store for holding a rotisserie chicken up like Simba again.

Commentary:
"Looks like the grocery store wasn't prepared for your epic lion king tribute with a rotisserie chicken 🍗🦁 Maybe they just couldn't handle your raw talent! Time to find a new stage for your poultry performances 😄🛒 #HakunaMaTatastegreat"