81 Funny looking quotes

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  5 months ago

  View →: If you’re looking for a wild woman, I just took all of my vitamins in one gulp.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Not looking for a sugar daddy, but something more of a pay pal.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.
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  5 months ago

  View →: How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Lovingly looking at my dog knowing I’m about to ruin her day with a bath.
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  5 months ago

  View →: There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.
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  5 months ago

  View →: At my age, I’m worried about tripping and falling, so I wear a helmet. I’m also worried about looking ridiculous, so I carry a skateboard.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Can we all agree that Mini Cooper drivers need to put an extended flag on the back of their cars so the stalls where they’re parked stop looking empty?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Immediately de-escalating an international conflict by posting an angry looking selfie with the caption “Come on, guys.”
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  5 months ago

  View →: Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.
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  5 months ago

  View →: My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”
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  5 months ago

  View →: The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.
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  5 months ago

  View →: You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?
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  5 months ago

  View →: I haven’t worn a trench coat since a random man in his 60s said to me “what are you looking for, detective?”
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Why is everyone looking for intelligent life in space? Can we please start on Earth first?
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  5 months ago

  View →: I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.
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  5 months ago

  View →: The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.
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  5 months ago

  View →: I love reaching into my messy bag looking for something and everyone around me hears like glass breaking and bombs going off and a cat meowing from inside there.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.
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  5 months ago

  View →: Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?
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  5 months ago

  View →: Why do men always think “looking for fun” means sex? Wat if I want us to draw?

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