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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Why is being alive so expensive? I’m not even having a good time.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Finding a person to make eye contact with during stupid meetings is essential to survival in the workplace.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

If we were subway rats, I’d share my pizza crust with you.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

I’m only grumpy when I’m awake.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

wearing no bra and oversized clothes is self-care at its finest

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Welcome to your 40’s: it’s ten years of people saying “wait until you’re 50”.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Just saw my evil doppelganger speed away in a DeLorean. I’m sure it’s fine.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,416

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Spotted on Slack:

I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

Seen just now on Slack:

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

Going viral on Messenger:

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Shared recently on Discord:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Spotted on Instagram:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Trending via TikTok:

Forget Botox. If you really want to look younger, get braces.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

2080 Funny me quotes

More funny me quotes 👇

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

2 weeks ago

AI, app, dating, experience, humor, i, let, machines, me, modern, modern experience, place, relationship, robot, suffer, suffering, technology, Tinder, want
So far, no one has seriously tried to bribe me, which is a shame because I am extremely corrupt. Maybe I need a position with more power.

2 weeks ago

am, bribe, corrupt, humor, i, joke, maybe, me, need, politics, position, power, seriously, shame, tried
I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

2 weeks ago

amount, better, humor, i, lot, me, plutonium, sarcasm, small, small amount, think, treat
As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

2 weeks ago

arguing, cake, distraction, everyone, humor, leave, leaving, me, party, politics, saw
Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

2 weeks ago

ancestors, cat, Christmas, Christmas sweater, clothing, Earth, extinction, five, holiday, house, house cat, humor, i, irony, killed, mass, mass extinction, me, pets, put, survival, sweater, trying
Waking up has backfired on me so many times.

2 weeks ago

backfire, fatigue, humor, me, morning, morning struggle, relatable, sleep, struggle, times, waking, waking up
I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

2 weeks ago

appreciation, behavior, funny behavior, humor, i, loud, love, me, response, sarcasm, saying, someone, thanks, welcome
If reports from this daisy are accurate, she loves me not.

2 weeks ago

accuracy, accurate, daisy, flower, humor, love, me, relationship, report
I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

2 weeks ago

age, aging, forgetfulness, humor, life, me, mind, station, thought, train, where
Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

2 weeks ago

glasses, humor, iPhone, lane, lois, Lois Lane, me, nickname, recognition, technology, vision

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All funny me quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Long-term relationship? Like Tom and Jerry?

50 shares on Instagram this month:

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

53 shares on Threads this month:

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

27 shares on WeChat this month:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t remember if I took my pills, but I can’t check because I can’t remember where I put my glasses.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

29 shares on Threads this month:

I’m not well rested. Sleeping Beauty was well rested.

82 shares on X this month:

Odd people reviewing a dessert: It’s not too sweet which is what I like.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

I love diss tracks because it’s basically two dudes going, “grr, we hate each other so much we’re going to take turns writing increasingly personalized poetry!”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Trending via Twitch:

Social media is mental suicide.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

You’re my least favourite notification.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Going viral on WeChat:

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

Spotted on Discord:

Psych meds aren’t enough anymore. Hit me with a shovel.

Making waves on Twitch:

The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat. It’s watching what other people eat.

Activity Log ✨

2080 Funny me quotes

More funny me quotes 👇

All funny me quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨