Remember, when a package says "sharing size", that's just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Commentary:
🤣😂 "When a package declares it's 'sharing size', just remember – it's like a wink from the snack gods, not a set rule! They can't send a snack police 🚔 to your door for enjoying all that goodness solo. Embrace the freedom, my friends!" 😜🍫 #SnackRulesAreMeantToBeBroken

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like "Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!"

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

Commentary:
Oh, the classic "trauma makes me funny" defense – sorry, but the comedic jury is still out on that one! 🤷‍♂️😅 It's like trying to justify a bad haircut with a sob story – nice try, but we're not buying it! 💇‍♂️😂 #ComedyCourtRuling

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Commentary:
"Current mood: Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow. 🤪🛌💬 Who needs therapy when you have a fluffy pillow, right? 😅🤫 #PillowScreamingTherapy"

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Commentary:
"Looks like someone's been on the express train to Disappointmentville! 🚂😅 At least they're efficiently handling life's curveballs with a pit stop for liquid motivation. Here's hoping the bar visit brings some much-needed cheer! 🍻🌟"

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

Commentary:
Sounds like someone needs to install a "Do Not Disturb" sign on their book! 📚🚫😄 It's like a magical summoning spell: "Open book, summon chatty spouse!" 🧙‍♂️💬 Maybe invest in noise-canceling headphones for some peaceful reading time! 🎧📖

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

Commentary:
"Emotions? Sorry, they're not on my current menu! 🚫😅 Trying to reduce my daily intake of drama and ups-and-downs! Who needs emotions when you've got a strong WiFi signal and a good cup of coffee? ☕️💻 #EmotionallyDetoxing"

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Commentary:
Well, well, well, looks like we've finally found the magical spell to ease our troubles! 🧙‍♂️🎩 Who would have thought that a sprinkle of swear words could be the ultimate pain reliever? Now, excuse me while I practice my newfound potion-making skills next time I stub my toe! 🤬🧙‍♀️💫

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

Commentary:
"Who knew that the secret to managing stress was hidden in the sweet treat aisle all along? It's like our bodies are literally spelling out the solution for us – 'stressed' backwards is 'desserts', so why fight it? Indulge in some tasty therapy and let your inner dessert connoisseur guide you to a stress-free existence!"

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don't.

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

Commentary:
"Well, at least you're consistent in your approach – avoiding personal problems and tests like a pro! Who needs solutions when you've got great evasion skills?"