Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

90 Funny relatable quotes

“I can’t wait to go back to bed tonight!” Me, 5 minutes after waking up.

3 months ago

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

3 months ago

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

3 months ago

I was talking to someone and combined “all good” and “no worries” by saying “all worries”, which was a lot more accurate.

3 months ago

Everyone has these three colleagues: The one who is always cold. The one who is always hungry. The one who is always tired. I am everything in one.

3 months ago

I get it, laundry, no one is doing me either.

3 months ago

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

3 months ago

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

3 months ago

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

3 months ago

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

3 months ago

When someone asks me what my dream job is, it’s just like “I don’t know dude, I don’t dream about jobs”

3 months ago

Some days you feel like a hotel light. You’re there, but you don’t have enough energy to really do anything.

3 months ago

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

3 months ago

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

3 months ago

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

3 months ago

I don’t know if I’m still tired or already tired.

3 months ago

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

3 months ago

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

3 months ago

If you’re ever intimidated by someone just imagine them opening a Capri Sun.

3 months ago

I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke.

3 months ago