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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

It’s a fabulous time to be alive if you love: verification codes, verifying your email, yelling ‘REAL PERSON’ into a phone at a robot, reading nightmarish news all day, every day, hot.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 19, 2026

3,703

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Home Depot should allow men over 40 to have birthday parties in their stores.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Just shared via TikTok:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Trending via Messenger:

Let’s ride this misunderstanding into the sunset.

Seen just now on Discord:

I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

Spotted on Discord:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Going viral on YouTube:

Potato chips ARE vegetables! I exclaim as I tear open the third bag.

12 Funny sweater quotes

Funny sweater quotes warm up the conversation with a dose of humor about our favorite cozy garments. 🧥😄 From playful jabs at sweater weather to witty remarks about holiday knitwear, these quotes celebrate the fun and quirks of wearing sweaters. Enjoy a laugh and embrace the comfort of your favorite knitwear! 🧥😄

New funny sweater quotes 👇

Oh, I’m so excited to wear Uggs, beanies, and oversized sweaters. I can feel fall creeping up.

15 hours ago

autumn, beanie, cozy, excited, excitement, fall, fashion, feel, i, oh, oversized, sweater, Ugg, wear
Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

1 month ago

appearance, bet, fashion, female, good, humor, i, internet, much, naked, online, sweater
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

2 months ago

animal, crafting, found, humor, i, just, knit, learning, sheep, surprise, sweater, wool
November is for turtlenecks and depression.

2 months ago

depression, fall, fall fashion, fashion, humor, mood, November, seasonal, seasonal mood, sweater, sweater weather, turtleneck, weather
Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

2 months ago

avocado, eat, food, funny question, humor, moth, question, sandwich, sweater, tried
Ancestors survived five mass extinctions on earth for me to be killed by a house cat I was trying to put a Christmas sweater on.

2 months ago

ancestors, cat, Christmas, Christmas sweater, clothing, Earth, extinction, five, holiday, house, house cat, humor, i, irony, killed, mass, mass extinction, me, pets, put, survival, sweater, trying
Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

2 months ago

activity, Christmas, dog, dogs, fun, fun activity, gang, gift, giving, neighborhood, pets, sweater
I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

2 months ago

coffee, days, decision, drink, drive, favorite, humor, i, irresponsible, live, once, regret, rest, stain, sweater
Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

2 months ago

asleep, dark, humor, know, moment, morning, need, sleep, state, sweater, tired
Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

3 months ago

comparison, concrete, dandelion, head, humor, i, life, morning, nature, resilience, struggle, sweater

For even more funny sweater quotes, hit next 👇

All funny sweater quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Twitch this month:

All I’m saying is that porn gives us an unrealistic expectation of how quickly the electrician shows up.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

66 shares on Reddit this month:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When you report something to IT and then hear: “Oh! Interesting. We’ve never seen that before.” Is that good or bad?

79 shares on WeChat this month:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

I like smoke and lightning, your honor, heavy metal thunder, racing with the wind. You know that feeling I am under.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

99 shares on Slack this month:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera!

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You guys know your secrets are safe with me. It’s the people I share them with you can’t trust.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My Uber driver didn’t try to talk to me the entire ride. Five stars.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Drive as I say, not as I drive.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,370

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

Just googled “insanity” over and over but was expecting different results.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Whether you rip off a bandaid quickly or slowly, I find it’s best to ask the wearer’s permission first.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

The circus does not condone the actions being taken by its monkeys.

Making waves on Instagram:

I bought a 12 year old whiskey. His parents are furious.

Going viral on Discord:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I miss you when I wake up before you.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Just landed via Slack:

I stopped experimenting in bed after the great honey disaster of 2015.

Just landed via X:

Becoming a dad turned me into an environmentalist. All I do now is turn off lights and yell at people who waste energy.

Just shared via YouTube:

People drive you insane and then say “see, I told you that you’re insane.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

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