75 Funny together quotes

• Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

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  1 week ago

  analogy, cheese, food, held, humor, identity, just, lasagna, much, point, self-deprecation, together

• I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

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  1 week ago

  end, get it together, going, humor, i, irony, pissed, real, shit, together, world

• If we all club together we could raise enough money to buy Monday and have it destroyed.

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  1 week ago

  buy, club, destroy, enough, fundraising, humor, Monday, money, raise, together, weekend, wish

• I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

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  2 weeks ago

  door, encounter, funny encounter, high, high school, i, memory, nostalgia, old, old person, person, school, surprise, today, together

• I’m not a 10. I’m more like two 5s held together by cheese and chocolate.

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  2 weeks ago

  body, body image, cheese, chocolate, comparison, confidence, food, humor, image, joke, self-esteem, together

• This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

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  2 weeks ago

  carrying, collaboration, dead, dead weight, economy, expense, expensive, here, hustler, leech, teamwork, together, too, weight, working

• There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

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  2 weeks ago

  alcohol, celebration, Christmas, enough, family, full, full moon, going, holiday, humor, mix, mixing, moon, together

• The worst thing you can do when you notice your kids are playing nicely together is telling them that they’re playing nicely together.

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  2 weeks ago

  advice, caution, humor, kids, nicely, notice, parenting, playing, thing, together, worst

• Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

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  2 weeks ago

  awkwardness, care, die, humor, i, life, live, love, me, noticed, relationship, sarcasm, together, uninterested

• I hate when flies rub their disgusting little hands together. What could you possibly be plotting? You can’t even get out of the open window.

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  2 weeks ago

  annoyance, disgusting, even, fly, hands, hate, humor, i, insect, little, open, plotting, rub, together, window

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