114 Funny wife quotes

• My future husband is probably enjoying a nice summer with his first wife… but the seeds of discontent are there.

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  2 months ago

  discontent, enjoying, future, future husband, humor, husband, jealousy, marriage, nice, relationship, seeds, summer, wife

• My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

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  2 months ago

  9, around, estimate, going, home, humor, i, job, jobs, money, night, plan, quit, relationship, run, tonight, travel, well, wife

• My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

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  2 months ago

  Amazon, anything, delivery, driver, humor, knock, misunderstanding, morning, ok, order, sure, us, wife, yesterday

• Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

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  2 months ago

  ask, communication, dinner, free, household, humor, lawn, lawn mower, marriage, mower, mowing, multitasking, ready, relationship, tip, while, wife

• My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

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  2 months ago

  communication, conversation, conversations, even, habit, listening, me, relationship, saying, starting, weird, wife

• My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making, and now, I can’t read anything.

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  2 months ago

  anything, asked, humor, i, ketchup, list, making, me, misunderstanding, put, read, reading, shopping, shopping list, wife

• A big part of my wife’s cardio routine is rolling away from me in bed.

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  2 months ago

  away, bed, big, cardio, exercise, humor, marriage, me, personal, personal space, relationship, rolling, routine, sleep, space, wife

• 89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

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  2 months ago

  ago, communication, daily, daily life, five, great, humor, husband, i, leave, life, marriage, me, means, minutes, relationship, sarcasm, time, timing, wife

• Of course, a wife can complain to her mother-in-law. She has every right to complain to the manufacturer.

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  2 months ago

  complain, complaint, course, every, humor, manufacture, manufacturer, marriage, mother-in-law, quarrel, relationship, right, wife

• You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

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  2 months ago

  allowed, balance, early, enough, humor, leave, leaving, leaving early, miss, relationship, should, wife, work, work life, work-life balance

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