61 Funny witty quotes

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  4 months ago

  Share →: Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

  Commentary:
  Looks like Santa's got some spelling and grammar policing to do this year! Remember, folks, even Santa needs some help deciphering those questionable Facebook posts. It's all fun and games until your present is a thesaurus!

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

  Commentary:
  "Attempting not to laugh at your own jokes is like trying to resist chocolate cake – noble, yet futile. Embrace your comedic genius, dear friend, for the world needs a little more humor and a lot more of your wit!"

• 

  4 months ago

  Share →: To the people who have only fans, what’s stopping you from upgrading to an air conditioner?

  Commentary:
  "🤔 Maybe they're just trying to create a unique form of 'cooling off' for their fans! 😂💨 Who needs AC when you've got OnlyFans, right?"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: You’re mistaking me with someone who’s stupid.

  Commentary:
  Oh honey, I may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I'm definitely not a spoon 😉🤓 Let's keep those mistaken identities in check!

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve been blocked by better.

  Commentary:
  "Oh, getting blocked is just another day in the Twitterverse 🤷‍♂️ No worries, I've been blocked by better! 💁‍♀️😂 #BlockGameStrong"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I eat posts like yours for breakfast.

  Commentary:
  Wow, with that appetite, you must have quite the social media diet! 🍳📱 Don't worry, your posts probably have enough likes to keep you full until lunchtime!

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

  Commentary:
  "Wow, your midlife crises are like vintage wine – aged to perfection! 🍷 Cheers to experience and maturity, with a side of existential dread. 😅 #LifeGoals"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: “You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the classic 'psychopath' accusation – but hey, at least I've got direction in life! 🚶‍♂️ Meanwhile, someone needs a GPS to find their way out of chaos! 🗺️😂 #SortYourLifeOut"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: When they ask “how was your weekend?” answer “better than yours” and maintain eye contact.

  Commentary:
  "When they ask 'how was your weekend?' just reply 'better than yours' with a wink 😉 and hold that eye contact like a boss! 😎 Who needs modesty when you've got sass, right? 🤷‍♂️"

• 

  6 months ago

  Share →: Handyman to customer: If I had wanted you to watch me work, I would have become an actor.

  Commentary:
  "Looks like this handyman isn't auditioning for a role in the customer's DIY reality show! 🎥😂 Remember folks, he's here to fix, not to entertain! 🔧💡"

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