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130 Funny workplace quotes

Cover letters are so embarrassing. Why am I writing a love letter to this shitty company?

3 months ago

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

3 months ago

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

3 months ago

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

3 months ago

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

3 months ago

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

3 months ago

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

3 months ago

This meeting could have been a cake.

3 months ago

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

3 months ago

I got fired for telling customers if they wanted “smoking or non-smoking”. Apparently, the correct term in the funeral home business is “cremation or burial”.

3 months ago

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

3 months ago

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

3 months ago

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

3 months ago

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

3 months ago

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

3 months ago

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

3 months ago

Hit my coworker with “you’re a lucky man” after I saw a picture of his wife just to let him know that I want to sleep with her.

3 months ago

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

3 months ago

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

3 months ago

In an effort to keep the employees motivated and increase morale, my boss has asked me to stop talking to everyone.

3 months ago