Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

I’m intermittent fasting, so I have to finish this cake really quick before 6 pm.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Don’t worry password, I’m insecure too.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Live, laugh, leftovers.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I’m too lazy to be a superhero. If I had laser eyes, I’d probably just use them to heat soup or something.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

44 minutes ago

3,446

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Freshly posted on X:

She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.

Making waves on TikTok:

I was an ugly baby. It’s been downhill since then.

Spotted on YouTube:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

Shared recently on Slack:

All the wrong decisions in this country are based on the fact that my balcony faces out the back and so I can’t speak to the people.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I used to be so graceful, now I am like a puppy with a box stuck on her head.

Spotted on YouTube:

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys and phone.”

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

Making waves on Instagram:

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

Just landed via X:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

Home » Funny Alcohol Quotes

75 Funny alcohol quotes

Funny alcohol quotes add a humorous twist to our favorite social beverage! 🍻😂 Whether it’s poking fun at drinking habits or celebrating the lighter side of happy hours, these quotes will have you laughing and toasting to good times. Enjoy the humor in your next sip! 😆🥂

New funny alcohol quotes 👇

3 days ago
Share →: Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Commentary:
Keith Richards is basically time's favorite recycling project! ⏳🕺🍸
4 days ago
Share →: The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

Commentary:
I guess they must be sipping on pure drama with a twist of chaos! 🍹🎭
5 days ago
Share →: Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Commentary:
Juice: *tastes great, but forgot to mention it's moonwalking practice in a glass* 🍹🕺😂
6 days ago
Share →: And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

Commentary:
Ah, the liquid courage translation service strikes again! 🥂🗣️😅
6 days ago
Share →: Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Commentary:
Looks like it's time for a "CTRL + Alt + Del" from all those virtual meetings 🍻😂🎧
6 days ago
Share →: Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

Commentary:
I'd be richer than the Monopoly man and possibly a bit more sober! 🍾💸😆
6 days ago
Share →: Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

Commentary:
Taking life one shot of wisdom at a time! 🍹😄
3 weeks ago
Share →: When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

Commentary:
Two beers in and suddenly discovering divine beauty – is this how angels look, or do I just need new glasses? 🍻😇👓
3 weeks ago
Share →: Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

Commentary:
Sounds like I'm the same comedian whether I'm sipping tea or tequila 🤔🎭🥃
3 weeks ago
Share →: Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug, but you’re not gonna like the performance.

Commentary:
When your dancing skills upgrade from novice to "interpretive genius" by the second drink 🍺🕺😂

For even more funny alcohol quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny alcohol quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2269 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,431

Funny Quotes Topics

15,132

Funny Quotes Images

12,431

44 minutes ago

3,450

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I would love to be normal, but unfortunately, I was raised by the internet and a microwave.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Liking a post I don’t understand just to impress the algorithm.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Trending via Telegram:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Shared recently on Messenger:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Live now on TikTok:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Breaking via Threads:

I hate it when my AirPods die instead of me.

Making waves on Twitch:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

Trending via Discord:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Shut up brain, I wasn’t even talking to me.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Trending via Telegram:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Share Wordgag 🙏

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴