Funny Alcohol Quotes That Will Have You Laughing with Every Sip! 🍻😂

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

4 months ago3 months ago

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

4 months ago3 months ago

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

4 months ago3 months ago

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

5 months ago3 months ago

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

5 months ago3 months ago

You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework? Vodka!

6 months ago3 months ago

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

6 months ago3 months ago

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

6 months ago3 months ago

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

6 months ago3 months ago

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

6 months ago3 months ago

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Jun 1, 20243 months ago

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

May 29, 20243 months ago

“What’s a random act of kindness you’ve done for a stranger recently?” I helped a bunch of teens buy alcohol and cigarettes the other day.

May 27, 20243 months ago

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

May 16, 20243 months ago

Middle-aged math is going out drinking and feeling half your age then waking up the next morning feeling twice your age.

May 6, 2024May 6, 2024

Life can be so beautiful, you just can’t get sober.

Nov 8, 2023Nov 8, 2023

Beer is like the color black: it goes with everything.

Oct 18, 20233 months ago

I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

Oct 17, 20233 months ago

Studies show that 100% of all parents think alcohol tastes much better after spending the day with children.

Oct 3, 2023Oct 3, 2023

I’m proud to announce that am winning my fight against sobriety.

Sep 29, 2023Sep 29, 2023

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Sep 29, 20233 months ago

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Sep 28, 2023Sep 28, 2023

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Sep 25, 2023Sep 25, 2023

DUI stands for: don’t Uber, I got this.

Sep 25, 2023Sep 25, 2023

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

Sep 23, 2023Sep 23, 2023

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 28, 2023

I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 23, 2023

Jesus turned water into wine. I turn food into fertilizer. We are not the same.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 25, 2023

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 23, 2023

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

Sep 22, 2023Sep 23, 2023