78 Funny alcohol quotes — Wordgag ツ

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

3 weeks ago3 weeks ago

Like a fine bourbon, we get better with age. Or, at least, … we feel better about our age after drinking lots of bourbon!

2 months ago2 months ago

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

2 months ago2 months ago

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

2 months ago2 months ago

The thing I can’t get over about Love Island is they’re only allowed 2 drinks a night, like they’re all just acting like that.

2 months ago2 months ago

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

2 months ago2 months ago

And then the vodka whispered, “Say what you really think.”

2 months ago2 months ago

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

2 months ago2 months ago

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

2 months ago2 months ago

Tequila won’t fix your life, but it’s worth a shot.

2 months ago2 months ago

When you’re two beers in, and you realize she looks like God.

3 months ago3 months ago

Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.

3 months ago3 months ago

Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug, but you’re not gonna like the performance.

3 months ago3 months ago

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

3 months ago3 months ago

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

3 months ago3 months ago

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

3 months ago3 months ago

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

3 months ago3 months ago

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

3 months ago3 months ago

I don’t drink and drive, but some people drive me to drink.

3 months ago3 months ago

Before I drink, I eat liver so the liquor won’t know which liver to attack.

3 months ago3 months ago