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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

One thing that sucks about being grown-up is not being able to say, “My mom said no,” when you don’t want someone to come over.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

You can’t confuse me. I already don’t know what’s going on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,743

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Facebook:

I successfully avoided the red-eye flight and got the much milder pink eye flight.

Spotted on Discord:

Being an adult is realizing $1000 is little money to have, but a lot to owe.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The husband, child, and dog are all snoring. WTF is this?

Trending via YouTube:

Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.

Live now on Facebook:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

Just landed via Facebook:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Spotted on Instagram:

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Breaking via X:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

147 Funny care quotes

Funny care quotes highlight the hilarious struggle between pretending not to care and caring *way* too much! 😂🤷‍♀️ Whether it’s “I don’t care… but also, tell me everything,” or caring deeply about the most random things (like your Wi-Fi signal), these quotes remind us that caring is complicated — and often pretty funny. Because sometimes, we care just enough to laugh about it! 😆🧠💅

New funny care quotes 👇

The hardest part of corporate life is pretending to care about things that don’t matter.

7 days ago

care, caring, corporate, corporate life, hardest, humor, irony, life, matter, office, pretending, pretense, things, work
Why do I have to take care of this idiot (me) every single day? Can’t she do anything on her own?

7 days ago

anything, care, daily, daily struggle, day, dialogue, every, frustration, humor, i, idiot, inner, inner dialogue, me, own, self-awareness, self-care, self-deprecating, self-deprecating humor, single, struggle, take, why
Bought some coconut shampoo, but when I got home, I realised I didn’t have a coconut.

7 days ago

care, coconut, got, hair, hair care, home, humor, i, mistake, misunderstanding, shampoo, shopping
You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

1 week ago

50, care, choose, encroachment, give, humor, menstruation, pad, period, personal, personal care, prime, still, underwear
The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

1 week ago

bad, bad day, care, coping, coping mechanism, day, ever, humor, i, indulgence, know, march, mechanism, myself, problem, self, self-care, stop, treat, treat yourself, yourself
There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

1 week ago

care, communication, decide, decision, enough, hear, humor, know, life, meaning, means, slang, time
Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

1 week ago

care, feel, feeling, feeling unlovable, hair, humor, hygiene, i, insecurity, personal, personal care, self-esteem, unlovable
With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

1 week ago

another, care, dog, dog sitter, fool, hire, humor, pet, pet care, rate, sitter, survival, survival rate
Believing that pharmaceutical companies want to heal you is like believing a casino wants you to win.

1 week ago

business, business motive, care, casino, company, gambling, heal, healing, health, health care, irony, motive, pharmaceutical, pharmaceutical company, skepticism, trust, want, wants, win, winning
Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

1 week ago

again, care, communication, dismissal, humor, i, indifference, me, mention, need, phrase, professional, professional phrase, sarcasm, say

For even more funny care quotes, hit next 👇

All funny care quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Threads this month:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

85 shares on Threads this month:

Starting a new life today, bye.

14 shares on Slack this month:

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

73 shares on Facebook this month:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

46 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men with bibles names be the worst type of people.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

13 shares on Discord this month:

Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.

24 shares on TikTok this month:

The brand name Oral B is so funny to me. WTF does the B stand for?

71 shares on Facebook this month:

Posing for photos has to be the most basic thing I’m actually terrible at.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Nutrition labels should include an “What if I ate the whole thing” section.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Is it smoky eye or were you wearing mascara and your eyes got itchy?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,298

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

College is not even mentioned once in the Bible. Somebody get me outta here.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I’m sorry your man wears his sunglasses on the back of his head.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

There are so many people going to hell. I’m thinking of investing in some property there.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

I am at the age where I question throwing away a box because, “It’s a really nice box.”

Just shared via Facebook:

I wouldn’t describe myself as an “adult”, per se. More like a “long child”.

Making waves on Twitch:

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, “Wow, this changes everything.”

Just landed via Threads:

We don’t make people walk the plank like we used to.

Breaking via Telegram:

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

Shared recently on TikTok:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Going viral on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Going viral on Facebook:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

Going viral on Reddit:

I don’t like being asked “are you at home?” Please expand further so I can know whether I’m at home or not.

Going bananas on Threads:

Imagine you and me as cows in Switzerland, enjoying the view and saying “moo” every day.

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