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10,000+ funny quotes

139 Funny comparison quotes

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

2 months ago

Jesus Christ. I haven’t seen a meltdown like that since Chernobyl.

2 months ago

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

2 months ago

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

2 months ago

People are like lottery tickets, most of them are losers.

2 months ago

The problem is that you are in the dating pool when the other fish are in the ocean.

2 months ago

Countries are just gangs with paperwork.

2 months ago

January is the Monday of the year.

3 months ago

Instagram is literally just screenshots of Twitter.

3 months ago

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

3 months ago

Some hoodies don’t hoodie the way other hoodies hoodie.

3 months ago

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

3 months ago

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

3 months ago

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

3 months ago

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

3 months ago

My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

3 months ago

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

3 months ago

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

3 months ago

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

3 months ago

Who called it a Cybertruck and not a Deplorean?

3 months ago