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10,000+ funny quotes

139 Funny comparison quotes

The name Ella is short for Mozzarella.

3 months ago

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

3 months ago

“I read 20 books this year!” That’s nothing. I read 50,000 tweets.

3 months ago

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

3 months ago

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

3 months ago

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

3 months ago

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

3 months ago

Someone was saying that social media makes you miss out on your real life, but have you seen real life?

3 months ago

Avocado is just green butter.

3 months ago

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

3 months ago

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

3 months ago

Life is like a box of chocolates. More expensive than I was expecting.

3 months ago

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

3 months ago

Beavers are also just otters that have learned carpentry.

3 months ago

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

3 months ago

Drinking through a straw is the opposite of snorkeling.

3 months ago

Don’t compare yourself with others. Everyone is better than you.

3 months ago

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

3 months ago

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

3 months ago

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

3 months ago