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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Been whispering “I like invented her” about my newborn every few hours.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

I spend half the day wondering if it’s too late for coffee and the other half wondering if it’s too early for alcohol.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

4,036

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

The older I get, the more I realize being in a hurry is a terrible way to live your life.

Seen just now on Telegram:

“You should exercise for at least 30 minutes every day”. Okay, and how much if you’re not trying to go to the Olympics?

Seen just now on Threads:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I might look calm, but in my head I’ve punched you in the face three times.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

Making waves on Messenger:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Just shared via Messenger:

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Just landed via YouTube:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

15 Funny cookie quotes

Funny cookie quotes bring a delightful mix of humor and sweetness to your day! 🍪😂 Whether you’re laughing about cookie cravings or the joys of dunking, these quotes capture the fun side of everyone’s favorite treat. Treat yourself to a good laugh and enjoy the sweet side of life with these cookie-inspired chuckles! 😄🥯

New funny cookie quotes 👇

For even more funny cookie quotes, hit next 👇

All funny cookie quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on TikTok this month:

Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

85 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My son put his dish in the sink so I rushed him to urgent care.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

86 shares on Discord this month:

Imagine hating me while I’m just over here being lazy and minding my own business.

61 shares on Threads this month:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

17 shares on Messenger this month:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.

61 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.

76 shares on Messenger this month:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes a man’s purpose is to simply remind you again and again that you’d be just fine on your own.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

629 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,222

Funny Quotes Topics

17,352

Funny Quotes Images

15,222

Updated

Dec 30, 2025

Users Online

3,949

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

The first step is admitting that the other person is the one with the problem.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

I don’t even want a new year this year. I’ll take a lightly used 2006, if it’s available.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

My favorite part about summer is when I get to go back inside where it’s air conditioned.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

November should have one more day. Just because to me November 31st sounds real. And also I don’t want to pay rent tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Me, when a 25-year-old talks to me: please be patient with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Just landed via Instagram:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Going viral on WeChat:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Shared recently on X:

I have no need to judge people because of their religion, skin color or sexual orientation. Bad behavior is enough for me.

Live now on WeChat:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Just shared via Slack:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

Spotted on Reddit:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Shoutout to everyone who remembers their childhood landline number but can’t recall the password they made yesterday. You’re my people.

Shared recently on Discord:

Congrats to my tween for graduating at the top of his class from eye roll university.

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