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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

My favorite type of gender reveal is the one where they just tell me and I don’t have to go to a party to find out.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

I listen to a lot of white noise, so I get really excited when it rains or someone turns on a fan. It’s like seeing my favorite band live.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

AI could never steal company time the way I do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,634

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Seen just now on Slack:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Trending via Facebook:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Seen just now on X:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Making waves on Threads:

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

Breaking via Threads:

Dance like China isn’t watching.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I will never give another woman my heart until I see how she acts when a bee flies at her.

Live now on Instagram:

I wish my hair had as much volume as my mouth.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

Going bananas on Discord:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

10 shares on Messenger this month:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

69 shares on LinkedIn this month:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

61 shares on Threads this month:

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Please don’t buy my book on reverse psychology.

37 shares on TikTok this month:

Girl math is ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If I could have immunity to anything I would pick calories.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

When we’re old, the children will use Covid to explain our brain damaged opinions much like we do to Boomers with lead. It is fate.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,914

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Due to personal reasons, I must make it in life.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Caught my son chewing on electrical wires. So, I grounded him. He’s doing better currently and conducting himself properly.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Never lie to Indian girls. That red dot be recording everything.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I’m having an orange, and the dogs keep looking at me like, “stop eating that ball, dude.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

The internet is making people stupid. Not me, though.

Making waves on Reddit:

That’s kind of sexy of you to be a little weird.

Just shared via Messenger:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Trending via Discord:

Trust my gut? The thing that makes weird gurgling noises immediately when a work meeting goes quiet.

Going viral on Messenger:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Broadcasted on Discord:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

Making waves on Reddit:

There are only two portion sizes for mashed potatoes: nowhere near enough (posh restaurants) or far, far too much (literally everyone else).

Seen just now on YouTube:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Just shared via Threads:

I hope my email finds you enraged.

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