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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

No one has ever believed in me more than this waitress, who brought me buffalo wings and a single wet nap.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has viewed:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

“Fox Mulder” is an aggressively sexy name.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

My dream is to buy a horse and race it. The horse will probably beat me but it’ll still be fun.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,754

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack.

Just landed via Threads:

If men didn’t exist, I would simply go for a 2 a.m. walk every night and listen to music in my AirPods.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Shared recently on Facebook:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Spotted on Discord:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Trending via Pinterest:

Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.

Live now on YouTube:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I am like a wildflower, a quiet rebellion blooming through ruins and dust.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

Making waves on Instagram:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

35 shares on WeChat this month:

It infuriates me that computer Scrabble doesn’t get mad when I win even though I’m livid when it wins.

58 shares on Slack this month:

An air mattress is the best way to tell your houseguests not to stay too long.

83 shares on X this month:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

45 shares on TikTok this month:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

34 shares on Discord this month:

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

100 shares on TikTok this month:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

83 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Surely, this is the hangover that will teach me my lesson.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My ex had this fetish where he would dress up in his own clothes and act like an idiot.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you mind if I wear my black T-shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The world is my oyster and I’m allergic to shellfish.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,538

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Don’t talk to me while my earphones are in, man, I’m at a concert.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

The lion is actually pretty concerned right now.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

The longer you go without something, the more comfortable you become without it. That goes for people, too.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans don’t fit any more.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Shared recently on Threads:

“You’re in her DMs, my faint presence sits in her Spotify Wrapped through the music I introduced her to. We’re not the same.”

Making waves on Facebook:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I hate when people stare at me and don’t say anything. I mean, if you want an autograph or a picture just ask.

Broadcasted on Threads:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Just shared via WeChat:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Cheers erupt as woman cuts into perfectly ripe avocado.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Did you know? By replacing your coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 92% of what little joy you still have left in your life.

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