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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Why do guys named Timothy go by Tim when they could go by Moth?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

On a scale of quack to quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack quack, what do you think of my duck-based numbering system?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Sharpening pencils at the bin was the biggest link-up.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

The plant app says that I either watered my plant too much or not enough. Very helpful. Thanks!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,347

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Just shared via Pinterest:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, spreading goat cheese on a bagel.

Just landed via Threads:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

Spotted on Threads:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Live now on X:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Going viral on YouTube:

Why hasn’t Lululemon created a bra-line named Lulumelons?

73 Funny dinner quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Messenger this month:

If chickens knew how good they tasted, they would understand.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

48 shares on Threads this month:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Apparently, stress balls are not supposed to be thrown at people who are stressing you out.

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sorry, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. Your Katana skills are lacking.

88 shares on Threads this month:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Mayor of a small town is such a wild job. It’s like being the president of a country where you went to high school with the whole population.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Made the mistake of believing what I was told again.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when people are outside when I’m trying to parallel park. I need some privacy.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,318

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I love when women move on. It’s my favourite genre.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

The male urge to tell you what business used to be located there back in his day.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

“You’re acting weird!” I’m not acting.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Need to become a tour guide. I’ve just realized it’s the only job I can think of that combines my loves of walking around and knowing more than everyone around me.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Apparently, it’s rude to poke someone in the forehead and yell “Skip Intro” when they start talking to you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Breaking via Telegram:

Strict parents raise good liars.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Making waves on X:

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I keep forgetting i’m at the age where people will tell me they’re pregnant and my reaction is supposed to be positive.

Spotted on Twitch:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

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