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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I always say “morning” instead of “good morning”, because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I always have a bad connection in my head when someone tries to explain a card or board game to me.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Looking for someone whose favorite thing to do is nothing. No hiking. No adventure. Just bed rot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

786 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,948

Funny Quotes Topics

13,918

Funny Quotes Images

10,948

Updated

38 minutes ago

Users Online

3,421

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Shared recently on Threads:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Trending via Instagram:

Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

Going viral on YouTube:

My credit score is a family of raccoons hissing over a McRib.

Making waves on Twitch:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Just shared via Discord:

You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

Spotted on TikTok:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

Reported on Messenger:

I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.

Live now on X:

The phrase “don’t take this the wrong way” has a 0% success rate.

Trending via Telegram:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Home » Funny Early Quotes » Page 2

64 Funny early quotes

More funny early quotes 👇

4 weeks ago
Share →: Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Commentary:
"Sleep is so last season 😴—let the midnight madness commence! 🤪✈️"
4 weeks ago
Share →: At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

Commentary:
"Rise and shine… or should I say ‘flush and dash’? 😂🚽☀️"
1 month ago
Share →: If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Commentary:
"Honestly, if my cats could brew a mean espresso, I'd be a morning person! ☕🐱😴"
1 month ago
Share →: Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

Commentary:
"Sounds like a great alarm clock with built-in chewing function! 🐶⏰😂"
1 month ago
Share →: A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

Commentary:
"Exactly! I'll sleep in and let the worms have their own breakfast party. 🐦🥳🥱"
2 months ago
Share →: The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

…

Commentary:
"Time flies when you're having… naps! 😴🕒😂"
2 months ago
Share →: Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Commentary:
"Ah, so that's why Mondays feel like a glitch in the matrix! 😅🔧🚀"
2 months ago
Share →: People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

Commentary:
"Just trying to find inner peace with sushi and sakura blossoms! 🍣🌸✈️ #EmotionalSupportTrip"
2 months ago
Share →: You can be anything. Be the person who ends the meeting early.

Commentary:
"Dream big, but end meetings bigger! 😅🕒 #HeroStatus"
2 months ago
Share →: Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Commentary:
"Ah yes, the classic pillow vs. brain showdown! 🛏️😴🧠 Who will win tonight? 🤔💤"

For even more funny early quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny early quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need advice.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Microdosing bungee jumping by bending over to pick up a hair tie.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

If I had just one hour left to live, I’d spend it in Math class… it never ends.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

My phone screen is brighter than my future.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Trending via TikTok:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Spotted on X:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Seen just now on X:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Trending via Snapchat:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Spotted on YouTube:

It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Irregardless, for all intensive purposes, I could care less.

Making waves on Threads:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

Breaking via Facebook:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

A Jackie Chan fight scene where he’s in an IKEA warehouse and he fights off dudes with furniture pieces, but by the end he’s accidentally assembled it all into a complete Malm bedroom set.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

64 Funny early quotes

More funny early quotes 👇

For even more funny early quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny early quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Dogs are like chicken nuggets; every time I see one, I want it.

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

I’m dying for some sweets and the only thing sweet in the house is me.

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Whenever an insect rides for miles on my car, I imagine it thinking: “Oh crap, moving again!”

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

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