18 Funny English quotes

• There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

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  1 week ago

  chair, count, English, English language, enough, express, expression, frustration, hit, humor, i, insult, language, much, never, properly, sarcasm, string, together, violence, want, word, word count, words

• I wish flies spoke English, so I could say, ‘Hey, if you don’t leave right now, I am going to kill you so hard.’

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  1 week ago

  am, communication, English, fly, going, hard, humor, i, insect, kill, language, leave, right, say, threat, wish

• “There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

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  1 week ago

  alphabetical, alphabetical order, English, English language, facetious, humor, joke, language, language joke, order, said, vowel, vowels, wordplay, words

• Ghost stories sound way scarier with an English accent.

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  1 week ago

  accent, English, English accent, ghost, ghost story, humor, scary, sound, story

• So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

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  1 week ago

  1, call, communication, cultural, cultural difference, difference, English, got, humor, i, language, me, phone, phone call, prank, press, said, telemarketer, told, understand

• I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

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  1 week ago

  animal, animal communication, back, barrier, cat, cats, communication, effort, English, humor, i, joke, just, language, language barrier, language joke, making, meowing, quirky, show, tried

• I’m fairly certain the person who put the first “r” in February also decided how to spell Wednesday.

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  1 week ago

  calendar, certain, confusion, English, February, humor, language, person, pronunciation, put, r, spell, spelling, Wednesday, wordplay

• English is so fake. How can you drink a drink, but you can’t food a food?

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  1 week ago

  confusion, drink, English, fake, food, humor, language, wordplay

• I wish my life could have a stats screen but for things I care about. Like how many English Muffins with peanut butter I’ve eaten.

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  2 weeks ago

  butter, care, counting, data, eaten, English, English muffin, food, humor, i, life, muffin, peanut, peanut butter, personal, personal data, screen, stats, things, wish

• Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

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  2 weeks ago

  Boston, English, humor, kid, little, misunderstanding, mom, plane, speak, travel

All funny English quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌