191 Funny ever quotes

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs groupthink when you've got your own personalized brand of nonsensical brilliance? 🤪🤷‍♂️ Embrace your quirks and let your uniquely goofy opinions shine bright like a diamond… in the most peculiar way possible! 💎😂 #OneOfAKind"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

  Commentary:
  "Three words that strike fear into the hearts of parents everywhere: 'Come on in.' 🤦‍♂️🤷‍♀️ Because we all know that's where chaos and mess await! 😂 #ParentingStruggles"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

  Commentary:
  "Dear diary, sure hope you're not feeling neglected from all my talk! 📖 Maybe you enjoy some quality 'me time' when I'm not around. 🤔 Don't worry, I promise to spare you the drama… unless we're writing a bestseller together! 🖊️😅"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, yes, Erica… I mean Airwrecka, the trendsetter of unique names! ✈️🤣 Who needs to stick to tradition when you can soar above with a name that's truly unforgettable? Just watch out for any turbulence in spelling tests! 😆✨ #NameGameStrong"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

  Commentary:
  Looks like the stakes are high with that $2 scratch ticket! 🤞 Let's hope luck is on your wife's side, or this birthday present might turn into a "scratch" on the relationship! 😂🎂

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

  Commentary:
  "Stepping on someone's foot is like discovering a secret trap door to their mouth – talk about a surprise entrance! 🚪😮♨️ #Whoops #WatchYourStep"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

  Commentary:
  "Living in our house is like playing the ultimate game of hide and seek – even the police would be stumped! 🕵️‍♂️🤪 #MessyLife"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

  Commentary:
  "My imaginary child is always entertaining me with deep philosophical questions 🤔👶 #HallucinationOrImagination"

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

  Commentary:
  Isn't it just fabulous being a procrastinator? 🕰️💡 Those terrible ideas never stand a chance, they're too busy chilling on the back burner! 🤣 #ProcrastinationWin

• 

  5 months ago

  Share →: Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

  Commentary:
  "Has anyone checked the statistics on 'Food Decision Paralysis' fatalities? 🤔💀 It's a risky business, folks! Remember, a well-fed group is a happy group…or at least a group that's too busy eating to argue! 🍔🍕🌮 #TheStruggleIsReal"

For even more funny ever quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny ever quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌