191 Funny ever quotes

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

  Commentary:
  "Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship? 🍷🤔 Maybe love really is like a fine wine, better with a little buzz 😂🍇 #RelationshipReflections"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: “Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the wise philosophy of every kid ever: 'If it's gonna get wrecked, let *me* wreck it first!' 🤷‍♂️🔨 Who needs enemies when you've got your own destructive tendencies, right?"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Sex is cool, but have you ever had garlic bread?

  Commentary:
  "Sure, sex is cool and all, but have you ever sunk your teeth into a warm, buttery slice of garlic bread? 🤤 Now, that's true satisfaction right there! Who needs romantic shenanigans when you have carbs this delicious to fuel your soul? 🍞😆"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If I ever become a ghost, I’m gonna go back and haunt college me. Tell him to hydrate.

  Commentary:
  "Imagine being haunted by your own ghostly reminder to drink water 💧! That's some next-level self-care even in the afterlife 👻. College me could definitely use a spectral nudge towards hydration…and maybe a few less all-nighters too! 😂 #GhostGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Sex is fine, but have you ever completed every single thing on your to-do list?

  Commentary:
  "Sex is great, but have you ever experienced the sheer satisfaction of checking off every single task on your to-do list? 🤓💪 It's a productivity high like no other – who needs romance when you have completed tasks, am I right? 😂 #ProductivityOverPleasure"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: If you ever feel useless, remember that there are bathrooms at pools.

  Commentary:
  "Feeling useless? Just remember, even pools have bathrooms for those who need to make a splash in more ways than one! 🚽💦 #LifeLessons"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

  Commentary:
  "Who knew that smooth legs could double up as a diet plan! 😂🦵 Say goodbye to the gym and hello to silky smoothness! 🏋️‍♀️💨 #LegDayGoals"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

  Commentary:
  "Sure, sex is cool and all, but have you ever experienced the miraculous healing power of a well-timed fart? 💨🤣 Who needs medicine when you've got nature's own remedy at your disposal! #GasIsTheBestMedicine"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

  Commentary:
  "Fine dining: where the only thing more intimidating than the prices is trying to navigate through a meal without causing a culinary catastrophe on that pristine tablecloth! 🍴😅 Don't worry, just consider it a modern art installation at the end of the meal! 🎨😜"

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  5 months ago

  Share →: You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

  Commentary:
  When the speed limit feels like a mere suggestion rather than a rule 😂🚗💨 Who are these mythical creatures actually following it?? 🤔 #LifeinaFastLane #NeedforSpeed

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