313 Funny ever quotes

Funny ever quotes are like the confetti of language, sprinkling a little buzz into the mundane. They’re the cheeky winks from history’s class clowns, the verbal high-fives that transform dull moments into laugh-out-loud memories. Whether you’re seeking a giggle, a snort, or a full-on belly laugh, these gems are your go-to. So grab your favorite beverage, sit back, and dive into a world where words wear clown shoes and every punchline lands like a feather on your funny bone. Get ready to LOL and maybe even ROFL!

Do not EVER text while driving. Please use the giant iPad a…

Commentary:
"Texting while driving is a big NO 🚫 But hey, why not check your emails and browse social media on the dashboard iPad? Safety first, right? 📱🚗😂"

If I ever win the lottery and decide to invest in a billboa…

Commentary:
🤣💸 "If I hit the jackpot and go into the billboard business, it'll be the best-kept secret… but the signs will spill the beans! Talk about a silent yet loud financial flex! 💰🔥 #MoneyTalks #BillboardWhisperer" 🏆

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

Commentary:
Absolutely! 😂 Oh the classic case of self-sabotage, where your vibe goes from 💃 to 🚫 in a matter of seconds just because your brain decided to hit the rewind button to a cringe-worthy memory! Remembering past mishaps is like being your own personal DJ, playing the greatest hits of awkward moments on repeat! 🤦‍♂️💥 #VibeKiller #ThrowbackTroubles

I’ll find a cell mate before I’ll ever find a soulmate.

Commentary:
Oh, searching for a cell mate over a soulmate, huh? 🤣 Who needs love when you can have a bunk buddy, am I right? 🤷‍♂️ Just make sure to keep those prison phone calls to a minimum! 🤪 #CellMateGoals

Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Commentary:
"Who knew adulting came with such a hefty price tag of responsibilities and no take-backsies! 🙅‍♂️💸 No refunds on this adulthood adventure, folks! 😂 #GrowingPains #NotWhatISignedUpFor"

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a li…

Commentary:
🚨 Breaking News Alert! 🚨 Just in: someone ordered a life alert bracelet… but not to alert for emergencies, oh no! This person is so prepared that they're getting ready for the life they *might* have someday. 😂 Who knows, maybe that bracelet will go off with confetti and cheers when the day finally comes! 🎉 #LivingMyBestAlarmistLife

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel…

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal struggle between laundry day and procrastination – where even the dryer gets a 'second chance' at drying clothes just to avoid that inevitable folding task! 🙃 #LaundryStruggles #ProcrastinationGoals"

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open th…

Commentary:
"No hard feelings if I ghosted your text, I was just practicing my disappearing act 🎩🐇✨"

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

Commentary:
"Sex is cool and all, but have you ever experienced the bliss of starfishing in bed without a care in the world? 🌟😴 Who needs a cuddle buddy when you've got the entire bed for your own personal sprawling adventures? 😂 #BedHogLife"

Ever since I was a little kid I always knew I wanted to str…

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic childhood dream of growing up to struggle! 💪🏼👶🏼 Who needs easy street when you can take the scenic route through challenges, am I right? 😅 Keep aiming high, even if that means aiming for a struggle! 🎯 #LifeGoals"

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