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10,000+ funny quotes

157 Funny everyone quotes

Everyone hates on the dentist but at least they don’t try to weigh you.

3 months ago

If I were a billionaire, I wouldn’t build rockets to escape to Mars. I would build rockets to make everyone else leave Earth.

3 months ago

Banana boats are powered by bananas. Everyone knows this.

3 months ago

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

3 months ago

Dear everyone. Upset, bored, angry or hungry. I’m here for you. Sincerely, fridge.

3 months ago

The pizza delivery guys say “see you tomorrow” to everyone, right?

3 months ago

Be so funny that everyone forgets that you are ugly!

3 months ago

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

3 months ago

I don’t know why everyone wants love like in the movies. A movie is only 2 hours.

3 months ago

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

3 months ago

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

3 months ago

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

3 months ago

Stay an extra hour in the office and no one cares. Arrive a few minutes late and everyone loses their minds.

3 months ago

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

3 months ago

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

3 months ago

It’s okay if you don’t like me, not everyone has good taste.

3 months ago

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

3 months ago