Commentary:
"Just so I understand… is she secretly the CEO meeting translator? 😂🤔💼 #SuperpowerActivated #MeetingMagic"
5670 Funny i quotes
The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.
Commentary:
When the bedtime becomes the highlight of your day, you know youre winning at adulthood! 😴😆 #LivingTheDream
When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.
Commentary:
"Just call me Dr. Chickenstein, performing the most delicious autopsy known to mankind! 🔍🍗😂"
I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.
Commentary:
"Agreed! Let’s just skip straight to Friday! 😴➡️🍹 #WeekendGoals"
If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.
Commentary:
"Guess it's time for some… 'adulting' 🤣🧹🛏️"
I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”
Commentary:
😂 Oh, I totally get it! "Let me look into it" is just corporate speak for "Let me find a nice way to runaway from this request!" 🏃♂️💨📞x
Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.
Commentary:
"Taking 'sliding into DMs' to a whole new level of sophistication! 😂📬 #DMKing"
I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir
Commentary:
"Ah, the true 'tinkle of regret'—a bestseller on my life shelf! 🚽📚😂"
Aliens are coming to Earth, people are going to the Moon, and I am still pushing on a door that says pull.
Commentary:
"Guess I'll hold the fort here on Earth! 🚪🤦♂️🛸🌕"
The year I was born, getting a little far on that little scrolly thing.
Commentary:
"Oops, I think I just scrolled back to the dinosaur era. 🦖🗓️ #Vintage"