Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

Doggy style is out cat style is in. It’s where I let you touch me until I’m satisfied then ignore you and scratch you if you try and touch me again.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m really hoping money falls from the sky this week, or else I’m doomed.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I love one-pot recipes. So much less mess than when I was trying to cook things without a pot.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

If you’re having a good day today, don’t play Wordle.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Just caught a moth and sent it back outside. Feeling like Mr. Miyagi.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,594

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Just landed via Twitch:

With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

Just landed via TikTok:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

Breaking via Instagram:

Twitter is cool because you can figure out what’s going on in the world through memes instead of watching the news.

Trending via Threads:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

Shared recently on YouTube:

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

Breaking via WeChat:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Don’t let me drive if you’re gonna scream every time we almost die.

Making waves on Reddit:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Just landed via Threads:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

42 Funny jobs quotes

Funny jobs quotes bring a hilarious twist to the daily grind 😂💼 Whether you’re stuck in meetings or chasing deadlines, a good laugh can brighten any workday 🌟 From quirky office moments to unexpected job perks, these witty sayings capture the lighter side of our 9-to-5 hustle 🎉 Ready to smile through the work stress? Let’s dive into some clever and chuckle-worthy gems that make the job world a little more fun! 😄🚀

New funny jobs quotes 👇

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

1 week ago

employment, humor, job, jobs, new, people, slang, term, work
Why do humans need jobs? Why can’t I just exist and make art and chill with my cat?

1 week ago

art, cat, chill, exist, existence, human, humans, i, job, jobs, just, need, relaxation, why
The smarter we make the A.I., the less it wants to do our jobs.

1 week ago

AI, jobs, less, smarter, wants
Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

1 week ago

animal, animal humor, behavior, calm, dog, dogs, funny observation, human, humans, humor, jobs, observation, pet, pet behavior, relationship, stress
An entire generation is currently studying for jobs that will not exist.

1 week ago

career, education, exist, future, future job, generation, job, jobs, study, studying, technology, unemployment, workforce
Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

1 week ago

addiction, addiction humor, break, break time, breaks, cook, every, gambling, give, hour, humor, i, job, job break, jobs, minutes, only, parlay, should, smoking, time, why, work, work humor
How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

1 week ago

corporate, corporate job, day, email, fake, fake job, home, humor, i, job, jobs, laptop, lazy, lazy work, life, office, office humor, open, outlook, paid, remote, remote work, responding, whatever, where, work, work from home, work life
My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

1 week ago

9, around, estimate, going, home, humor, i, job, jobs, money, night, plan, quit, relationship, run, tonight, travel, well, wife
Steve Jobs was a vibe coder. He just prompted Steve Wozniak.

1 week ago

apple, coder, humor, jobs, just, prompt, steve, Steve Jobs, Steve Wozniak, technology, vibe, wozniak
Fun prank: make people study for many years, and then don’t give them jobs.

1 week ago

career, education, fun, give, humor, irony, job, jobs, joke, people, prank, study

For even more funny jobs quotes, hit next 👇

All funny jobs quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Instagram this month:

We literally used to write an essay by hand.

61 shares on X this month:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

81 shares on TikTok this month:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

56 shares on Instagram this month:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

62 shares on TikTok this month:

I love 12 a.m. to 5 a.m. The world is so quiet.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

My favorite thing to do is nothing, with no one.

39 shares on YouTube this month:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

82 shares on Facebook this month:

Throwing “whereupon” into a few work emails today to keep it fun.

32 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We’re putting that movie you love back in theaters on one random Wednesday — and we’re not gonna tell you until Tuesday.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, are you an aurora borealis or why am I waiting in vain for you to appear?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Today’s kids don’t even get chicken pox anymore, they go straight to STDs.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Once you realize that the general public is retarded, you stop caring about how crazy you look to them.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

“Get a life!” Have you seen some of the lives out there?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,308

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

“Your password is too weak.” OK, well, I created him in my image.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Every girl has a dude in her inbox talking to himself.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

I don’t have a nervous system, I am a nervous system.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Delete a letter of his name from your contacts every time he makes you upset. When his name’s gone, he’s gone. Hangman that boy.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

“Jump to Recipe” is the closest we’ll ever get to teleportation.

Breaking via Threads:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Just landed via Messenger:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

In honor of the last eclipse, I will also get in the way of someone brighter than me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

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