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68 Funny leave quotes

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

3 months ago

For security reasons, I highly recommend that you leave one of your children home during the holidays to set elaborate booby traps in case of intruders.

3 months ago

There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

3 months ago

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

3 months ago

I leave the blue tick on WhatsApp so that people can see exactly when I wasn’t interested.

3 months ago

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

3 months ago

Trying to win an argument online is sociopathic. I would concede anything to get a stranger to leave me alone.

3 months ago

Today is a wonderful day to leave me alone.

3 months ago

If you lift the cat off the couch and it sounds like Velcro, then it didn’t want to leave.

3 months ago

Everyone gives pleasure in some way, one when they enter a room, the other when they leave it.

3 months ago

My kids think I’m going to miss them when they leave for college, but I’ll be busy drinking my coffee while it’s still hot.

3 months ago

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

3 months ago

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

3 months ago

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

3 months ago

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

3 months ago

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

3 months ago

It’s Mother’s Day Eve so remember to leave out a bottle of wine for Mom when she comes down the chimney.

3 months ago

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

3 months ago

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

3 months ago

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

3 months ago